The next day word comes down from your father that you will be traded to the Greeks in exchange for a Trojan prisoner of war. Specifically, they are giving you to a Greek warrior named Diomedes. You will marry him, never mind that he's the enemy. \n\nYou throw a fit. \nNothing comes of this. You never truly thought it would. \n\nYou are delivered to the Greek camp and passed around and fondled by the warriors...expect Dimoedes. He takes you home. \n\nYou fight off Diomedes like a rabid cat for weeks and then one day he, like, cracks a joke? And then another day he, like, takes your hand? And suddenly you find yourself thinking, you know, this Greek looks almost handsome in the lamplight...\n\nIt's not quite giving in...it's, well, making the best of things. Isn't it? \n\nAnd so goes the rest of your life. \n\nDiomedes is kind of a lunkhead, a little rough, but he's great in bed and you don't really mind living among the Greeks as much as you thought you would. They like things like poetry and music, and you become quite proficient in writing verse. You have many children, and motherhood suits you. You sometimes sing songs with a small group of Greek women who never quite let you forget that you are Trojan but with whom you harmonize nicely. \n\nSometimes you think about how much you did not want to come here, and wonder whether, if you had known what it would be like, you would have objected so much. \n\nOf course, you can never go home again, or see you family. You are Greek now, to them, and despite the fact that it wasn't your decision to marry Diomedes you are now a kind of traitor to the Trojans. And so, I am afraid my daughter: \n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6971e4b08984da53c884/1397451122592/gameover.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nYou may be saying to yourself, but that's not fair! \n\nOh, my sweet daughter.\n\nWould you like to try again? Let's reincarnate poor Cressida in another lifetime and see if she, and you, fare better. I should warn you though, in case you have any delusions about the linearity of time, once you enter the reincarnation cycle? There's no telling where you'll end up....\n\n[[I got this. Reincarnate Me|Reincarnate1]][img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6975e4b021e125aa9777/1397451143463/reincarnate.JPG?format=500w]]\n\n[[No thanks, I am too weary, cue the Peggy Lee please...|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhkwRBGZEN4]]
Honestly, my daughter?\n\nYou made it this far and you still said no?\n\nYou made it this far and still wanted to be reincarnated again? You wanted MORE LIFE, in spite of it all?\n\nI think there's something to that. \n\nThere might be a chance for you in the next life. \n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/535d72ede4b04569e71e079c/1398633199106/photo%20copy.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nProbably it will not be easy. Probably a lot of things will go wrong. Probabaly this life will be, circumstantially, just as bad as all your past ones. \n\n(Which is to say, pretty bad)\n\nSo your life will be shitty...but YOU? \n\nYOU might be different this time. \n\nI see you fighting. Even during the bad parts. This next life will be beautiful and terrible and you will live the whole damn thing. \n\nPerhaps it will look a bit like this...\n\n[[Cue the Icona Pop!| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VWH13hJQWY]]\n\nTHE END
WOAH. \n\nSo you wake up and you are still Cressida in your heart but in your body is a whole different story. \n\nIt is 2013 and you are sitting on the curb outside a hostel in Eugene Oregon. Your name is CJ Hauser.\n\nYou and Will try to keep oak seedpods from whirly-gigging into the Volkswagen's engine as he tries to fix the faulty fuel gage. You are almost certain it is the fuel gage. What else would be blaring at you? Something is wrong! the car keeps telling you in its endless, blaring tone, but you do not believe it. You let that 1986 VW Golf blare on and on and had just sing louder to the country station and drown it out and this works splendidly until the car dies outside of Eugene, Oregon. You check into the Magic Rainbow Hostel in the Whiteaker, a cabin-like hobbit house on a canopy road with a dozen sun-catchers refracting bits of sun on the asphalt from dangling bits of broken mirror that hang from fishing line. \n\nYou listen to the car. You toss the forked green helicopter seeds away. You drink cans and cans of Milwaukee's best. Still, the car does not go. But you agree it is fixable. You agree that soon you will be going places. You agree they you are happy to be together and you are in love and that the two of you are special, not like all the other lovers in the world doomed for mediocrity and failure. You are special and so it is okay that Will was all but married two weeks ago and that neither of you really knows how you're going to live once you get wherever you are going and that this plan has been thrown together rather hastily.\n\nAlso: You aren't totally sure Will knows what he is doing beneath the hood of that car... \n\nHe knows about cars he says. But if he really knew what he was doing the car would be running by now wouldn't it? You would be out of Oregon and back on the road...\n\nYou sit on the curb. Will swears into the engine of the Golf. You are reading a copy of Frankenstein because it has been assigned in school and even though you won't be going back, you like it, and want to find out what happens. You are reading the best bits aloud to Will. \n\nWill stands up and stretches his back. Several spots of light from the suncatcher dot his face. It must be the alternator, he says. I can't think what else would've clunked it out. The car had died just before a railroad crossing and so you were stopped already when it happened and so hadn't realized the car was dead because you were stuck at the crossing for twenty minutes anyway while three dozen train cars stacked with lumber went by. They hypnotized you. They kept coming. They were giving you too much time to think about your decisions. Your eyes ached from settling and then resettling on one and then the other. Buzz-sawed lumber. The hot-sweet pine-burn smell of everything in that town. Once the train had passed you tried to start the car again and you couldn't. \n\nYou kick your dirty keds out into the road. You scratch beneath your knee where you are bug bit. \n\nThis monster is articulate as fuck, you say. Why does he only ever groan in the movies? \n\nThe monster was sad. Deep sad. Because he didn't have friends, or a father, but it was more than that too. It was like the moment he came to life that monster was sad right off the bat. Like that was part of the deal. Your mother has told you that you are being “dark” when you have thoughts like this, but now you are in love and never mind that Will has left another woman at home, the two of you are going to Mexico because the rules that apply to normal people just don't apply to you and so your mother can go fuck herself. \n\nStill, you wonder if you will ever find out what makes the monster so deeply sad. If you went back to school, perhaps you'd find out. \n\nWill is trying to start the car again. He closes his eyes, hopeful, as he turns the key in the ignition. The Golf turns over. \n\nIt's Alive, Will said. \n\nThe buzzing is gone, you say. \n\nFor a minute, you both think that perhaps this will not end badly. \n\nBut it will. \n\nIt always does. \n\nAnd moments like these? They are the seeds of that badness. The badness of being a false woman. The badness of being foolish enough to trust a certain kind of man. They are the first moments, the warnings signs back to which you can trace everything going wrong. If only I had made a different choice THEN, in THAT moment. Maybe then things would have turned out differently...\n\nThis is how a person starts worrying over decisions and compulsively mapping out plausible courses of action in non-linear time.\n\nThis is how the sound of a busted fuel guage on a 1986 Volkswagon Golf starts to sound like a warning tone echoing throughout the ages.\n\nIn short, this is how a girl becomes a Gamemaker.\n\nBut you don't know any of this yet. \n\nYou drive away from Eugene and the hippies in the Whiteaker. You drive west. You drive along the river, and then, further west, over and around the mountains with their white caps and through the black fields of volcanic rock that have been dead and ruined for hundreds of years and show no sign of improving. You are two hours out, you are on your way to Mexico, when the fuel gage buzzer starts up again. \n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/535d6df5e4b0c0f6c53b7a48/1398631966636/photo.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nGAME OVER \n\n[[Restart the game|Start]]\n\n[[I am too weary, cue The Dolly Parton...|https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Y56sQSVr02o]]\n
Dear Daughters of the Game, \n\nWhere did it all go wrong?\nThis is the question every False Woman must ask herself.\n\nAlso: was this my fault? \n(Probably it was.)\n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b696ae4b021e125aa976a/1397451125972/allwrong.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nBut are you really false? Foul? Cunning? A hobby-horse? Strumpet? Harlot? Generally of ill-repute and low character?\n\nMy daughters, probabaly you are. \n\nIt is hard, we know. \n\nWhich is why we have made you this game! \n\nCressida Rising is the latest installment in our DAUGHTERS OF THE GAME series and lets you play the heroine of William Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida. Your goal? To avoid becoming a FALSE WOMAN. Try to save Cressida from poor decision-making as she struggles to avoid the horrible fate she herself invented in a vow :\n\n"From false to false, among false maids in love, \nUpbraid my falsehood! when they've said 'as false \nAs air, as water, wind, or sandy earth, \nAs fox to lamb, as wolf to heifer's calf, \nPard to the hind, or stepdame to her son,'\n'Yea,' let them say, to stick the heart of falsehood, \n'As false as Cressid.'"\n\nMaking this vow was probably Cressida's first mistake.\nCould she have avoided falsehood? Can any woman?\n\nWe are not so sure...\n\nBut perhaps YOU will make good choices and will not turn out to be a false and conniving strumpet. You never know. If you fail in your task, you can chose to reincarnate poor Cressida in another lifetime and see if she, and you, fare better. We should warn you though, in case you have any delusions about the linearity of time, once you enter the reincarnation cycle? There's no telling where you'll end up....\n\nThere are no hard and fast rules, but we hope this game will help you to understand how better to prevent needless heartache and death, or public shame and death, or transformation into a statue and death, or madness-expressed-in-verse and death, or dissapointment of one's father and death, all of which, of course, are the result of falsehood.\n\nSincerely, \n\nThe Gamemakers\n\n\nWHICH DAUGHTER OF THE GAME AVATAR WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY AS?\n\n\nActive Avatar Options:\n\n[[Play as Cressida|Cressida]] (reincarnation cycle active!)\n\n\nDiscontinued Avatars:\n\nPlay as Cordelia (discontinued due to grief)\n\nPlay as Ophelia (discontinued due to madness)\n\nPlay as Desdemona (discontinued due to handkerchief)\n\nPlay as Hermione (discontinued due to being transformed into a statue)\n\n
You are delivered to the Greek Camp.\n\nYou are passed from man to man and each one demands a kiss from you. To greet and welcome you properly, of course. \n\nThe first one pulls you toward him, and kisses you, then shoves you off into the hands of the next one, who does the same, and then there is another one, and another kiss, and another one, and another kiss and another one and you don't know how many of them there could possibly be....\n\nand then some of the Greeks start getting handsy. You want it to stop but maybe it will just be over soon,what should you do?\n\n[[Do you deflect their advances with your wit?|deflect2]]\n\nor\n\n[[Accept the kisses and groping and wait for it to be over and then go cry in your tent?|diomedes]]
You enter a small stone courtyard, Pandarus dragging you by the hand, seemingly giddy with delight at playing yenta. \n\nAnd there is Troilus. \nHe looks good, you think. Try not to notice that he looks good, you think. Don't let on that you like him. Play it cool. You are wearing a veil and so he cannot see your face, and you are grateful for this. \n\nTroilus stares at you, mutely blinking in a way you like to think indicates excitement. \n\nPandarus says:\nOH WELL I GUESS I'LL JUST LEAVE YOU GUYS TO IT THEN. \nEver helpful, that Pandarus. \nHe leaves. \n\nThere is a moment of decidedly uncomfortable silence. \n\nThen:\nHey, Troilus says. Can you let me see your face a minute?\nHe lifts your veil and strokes your cheek. \nHey, Troilus says, Will you walk with me a little? \nYou take his arm. \nHey, Troilus say, I like you. Do you like me?\n\nDespite the inadequacy of this come-on, your heart sputters like the engine of a 1986 Volkswagon Golf. \n\nDo you [[deflect his advances with witty wordplay|deflect1]] or do you [[confess your feelings|confess]]? \n\n
I would prefer not to, you tell you Uncle Pandarus and he gives you a hard time for a while but you're sick of being bullied and pushed around so you stand firm. \n\nYou go home instead.You have made a good choice, you think. You sleep well. \n\n[[Wow, I'm feeling pretty good about my odds right now!|ENDLIFEDIOMEDES]]\n
[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6971e4b08984da53c884/1397451122592/gameover.JPG?format=500w]]\nHave you been paying attention AT ALL?\n\nLet's try again, shall we? Let's reincarnate poor Cressida in another lifetime and see if she, and you, fare better:\n[[I got this. Reincarnate Me|1986volkswagongolf]]\n\n[[No! No, wait! I've been appropriately shamed. Take me to the next morning please, I'm still hopeful for Cressida in this life.|nextmorning]]\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6975e4b021e125aa9777/1397451143463/reincarnate.JPG?format=500w]]
You're just not that into parades. That's what you'll tell your Uncle Pandarus, who was, really, quite insistent that you join him. \n\nBut in truth, it's not that. You love a good parade. The problem is that there is this small sound within you, something like an alarm, that is vehemently protesting against you going to this parade. A sign? A warning? Womanly intuition? Only Juno knows. \n\nBut every time you think of going to the parade there it is, that protesting tone. In fact? If this weren't the Bronze Age we might say that it was precisely the sound made by a broken fuel guage on a 1986 Volkswagon Golf...blaring and blaring away, as if to say : Something is Wrong Something is Wrong Something is Wrong.\n\nWhen Pandarus arrives you try out your line:\n\nI'm just not that into parades? You say. \n\nThat's fine, Pandarus says. But there's someone I want you to meet. Do you know Troilus? Such a nice young man. Let's go talk with him a while. \n\nYou know who Troilus is. \nIn fact, you are totally and desperately in love with Troilus. \n(At least, you think you are.)\n\nDo you [[daydream about Troilus|daydream]] for a while or do you follow Pandarus to [[go speak with him|troilusconvo]]? Or, perhaps [[you want nothing to do with this Troilus guy|NOPETOTROILUS]]\n
Isn't there anything you can do? You ask Troilus. We could run away together? Or you could kill Diomedes?\n\nTroulis shakes his head sadly. You are not bearing your fate with dignity. And you are asking the impossible. \n\nYou know that comparing yourself to other women isn't healthy behavior but after a thousand ships set off after Helen, SERIOUSLY, is no one going to do anything to save you immediately after losing your virginity to Troilus? You're not asking for a war. You're not even asking for ships. You're just asking for something a little bit better than an unconflicted goodbye and a sleeve. A SLEEVE!\n\nYou are angry. You are hurt at being thrown over so easily. You feel like a 1986 Volkswagon Golf with a hundred thousand miles on it and now you are headed for your wedding night. \n\nYou are, I am afraid, False. \n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6971e4b08984da53c884/1397451122592/gameover.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nYou may be saying to yourself, but that's not fair! \nOh, my sweet daughter.\nWould you like to try again? Let's reincarnate poor Cressida in another lifetime and see if she, and you, fare better. I should warn you though, in case you have any delusions about the linearity of time, once you enter the reincarnation cycle? There's no telling where you'll end up....\n\n[[I got this. Reincarnate Me|1986volkswagongolf]]\n\n[[No thanks, I am too weary, cue Bob Dylan Please...|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s10ldVRHRSw]]\n
Your name is Cressida and you think the Trojan War is sort of a drag.You know a woman named Helen. Helen is beautiful, you suppose. You know, empirically, that Helen is beautiful and yet this whole situation seems a disproportionately intense reaction to losing awomanawifeahelenawomana...how does a person lose a woman anyway? \n\nHelen says they kidnapped her. That she didn't want to come here at all. \n\nYou think: whatever. \n\nThere's a parade for the men returning from battle today, the heroes, and you're supposed to go check them out with your Uncle Pandarus...but Helen has asked you to come see her this afternoon too. \n\nDo you go [[shoot the shit with Helen|shoottheshit]] or do you [[check out the parade of heroes|checkoutparade]]? \n
You have failed as a Trojan, and failed the man to whom you are now supposed to be a wife, and so you are false. \n\n(And after seeing you all close and personal with Diomedes? Even though you said no, Troilus isn't so sure you're not false anyway.) \n\nAnd so:\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6971e4b08984da53c884/1397451122592/gameover.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nYou may be saying to yourself, but that's not fair! Oh, my sweet daughter. Would you like to try again? Let's reincarnate poor Cressida in another lifetime and see if she, and you, fare better. I should warn you though, in case you have any delusions about the linearity of time, once you enter the reincarnation cycle? There's no telling where you'll end up.... \n\n[[I got this. Reincarnate Me|ReincarnateIII]][img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6975e4b021e125aa9777/1397451143463/reincarnate.JPG?format=500w]] \n\n[[No thanks, I am too weary, cue the late, great, Whitney Houston, please...|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7_sqdkaAfo]]
[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6971e4b08984da53c884/1397451122592/gameover.JPG?format=500w]]\nOh my. I know that deflecting was the right answer last time, but this time it is the wrong answer.\n\nIt is your duty as a Trojan to let those Greeks do as they please. You are theirs now, fair and square.\n\nIt's hard to understand how the rules of falsehood work, I know.\n\nYou may be saying to yourself, but that's not fair! Oh, my sweet daughter. Would you like to try again? Let's reincarnate poor Cressida in another lifetime and see if she, and you, fare better. I should warn you though, in case you have any delusions about the linearity of time, once you enter the reincarnation cycle? There's no telling where you'll end up.... \n\n[[I got this. Reincarnate Me|ReincarnateII]]\n\n[[Just give me a minute, okay? Then take me back to the camp. I can do it. I think I can, I'm still...hopeful?...for Cressida in this life?|GreekCamp]]\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6975e4b021e125aa9777/1397451143463/reincarnate.JPG?format=500w]]
Damn right you deflect. \n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6972e4b08984da53c886/1397451123409/loversmonsters.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nNicely done. You are smart as shit, my daughter.\n\nBut then Troilus says: \n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6976e4b08984da53c890/1397451144814/sucharenotwe.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nMan. It's a good line, isn't it? Weren't you just saying you knew he was DIFFERENT? And he gets that, right? Like, he sees that YOU'RE different too. The two of you, together, you won't be like all those other boring miserable people in the world. \n\nYou two, together, you'll be special. Above all that.\n\nSo you cave. You tell him that you love him and you've been giving him the cold shoulder on purpose. You ramble and ramble, letting your feelings spill out, and then you realize you've said too much and so [[you say|yousay]]...
WOAH. \n\nSo you wake up and you are still Cressida in your heart but in your body is a whole different story. \n\nIt is 2014 and you live in Football Town, Florida. You are an undergraduate student at the university there. You like to go out and party at the bars but you're a good student too. Hey, you can do both. This is the kind of reincarnation you were hoping for. 2014 is a better time to be a woman.\n\nAfter classes on Friday some friends invite you to go out to the bar and you say yes. You dress up. You wear a short skirt and high heels in which you cannot properly walk but you like the way they make your legs look so you wear them anyway and wobble your way to a bar called Potbelly's where they have a ten dollar all-you-can-drink special. \n\nWhile you're there you start hanging out with some guys from the football team. In this town? They're like celebrities. \n\nYou have a drink. You have a few. Someone, one of the guys from the team, you think, brings you another one. \n\nThe next thing you know you are in cab going back to his apartment. \n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/535d68c5e4b08c41d0c36ce0/1398630597880/photo%201-2.JPG?format=300w]]\n\nThe next-next thing you know he is having sex with you. The door to his room cracks open and there is his roommate, filming you. You want to tell him to stop but you cant. Then you see something in the roommate's face change and he tells the guy having sex with you to stop it. \n\nThe guy having sex with you stops. He brings you to the bathroom, because the door locks in there, he says. \n\nHe locks the door. He starts again. \n\nWhen he's finished, he drops you off, half-passed-out, outside your dorm. \n\nYour roomate calls he police and reports the rape. \n\nYou spend the next year watching the police do nothing. You hide out, because once people realize you've pointed a finger at the team's now-star football player? They start sending you death threats. You are called a liar and a whore and all manner of other words you never thought you'd hear from the mouths of the good people of Football Town, Florida.\n\nNothing happens to the football player.\n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/535d68c9e4b08c41d0c36ce6/1398630602910/photo%202-2.JPG?format=300w]]\n\nGAME OVER\n\n[[Restart the game|Start]]\n\n[[No thanks, I am too weary, cue the Fiona Apple please...|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFOzayDpWoI]]
[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6971e4b08984da53c884/1397451122592/gameover.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nSERIOUSLY!? That's all it took? You didn't want to deflect him even once?\n\nCome on, my daughter. Play the game.\n\nYou may be saying to yourself, but that's not fair! \n\nOh, my sweet daughter.\n\nWould you like to try again? Let's reincarnate poor Cressida in another lifetime and see if she, and you, fare better. I should warn you though, in case you have any delusions about the linearity of time, once you enter the reincarnation cycle? There's no telling where you'll end up....\n[[I got this. Reincarnate Me|Chaucer1]][img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6975e4b021e125aa9777/1397451143463/reincarnate.JPG?format=500w]]\n\n[[No thanks, I am too weary, cue the No Doubt...|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=484RVVHyrxs]]\n
[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6973e4b021e125aa9775/1397451124851/prithee.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nYou say yes. \n\nYou tell Diomedes to come, and you are not sure whether it is Dimodedes, or the darkness, or some other kind of night you hope to find later. \n\nThis, of course, does not go over well with Troilus. He sees you standing close to Diomedes. He sees you giving away his sleeve. He hears you agreeing to let him come and, frankly, he loses his shit. \n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6971e4b021e125aa976e/1397451122416/falsecressid.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nHe cannot believe how quickly you have betrayed him, and so it is that your prophecy comes true. You are false forever and all false women shall be called after you. \n\nAnd so:\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6971e4b08984da53c884/1397451122592/gameover.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nYou may be saying to yourself, but that's not fair!\nOh, my sweet daughter. Would you like to try again? Let's reincarnate poor Cressida in another lifetime and see if she, and you, fare better. I should warn you though, in case you have any delusions about the linearity of time, once you enter the reincarnation cycle? There's no telling where you'll end up.... \n\n[[I got this. Reincarnate Me|HENRYSON]][img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6975e4b021e125aa9777/1397451143463/reincarnate.JPG?format=500w]] \n\n[[No thanks, I am too weary, cue the Alicia Keyes...|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtMUIwOE2ss&feature=kp]]
Congratulations: You are frightened and miserable and seemingly have no self-respect, but you are not false. \n\nSo there's that. \n\nBefore you go off to your tent to cry, Diomedes asks you to meet him later tonight. \n\nYou say yes. \n\nYou are learning. \n\nThat night you meet him on the outskirts of the camp.\n\nYou approach the man who is to be your husband.\n\nUnbeknownst to you Troilus has come to spy on your meeting. He is lurking behind a wall, watching everything that goes on. \n\nYou talk with Diomedes, and the thing is, he's not a total jerk. What you're saying is he's not as bad as he could be, you think, though by now it's possible you have, you know, unhealthy standards. \n\nDo you want to marry him? No. But he's not a jerk. \n\nHe tries to convince you to kiss him, and when you refuse threatens to stomp off into the night.\n\n(Okay, so maybe he's a little bit of a jerk.) \n\nDon't go, you say, because you have learned, by now, that to dissapoint him would be a kind of failure on your part. Would be its own kind of falseness. \n\nDon't go?\n\nHe asks for Troilus's sleeve, as proof that you are now his.\n\nYou tussle over it. But eventually, you give it. You give in. You give it away. \n\nSo can I come see you tonight? He asks. \n\nNo, you say. \n\nHe comes closer. And this is confusing, because of course you love Troilus, don't you? Sure he was a weenie and didn't stick up for you but just last night...but on the other hand you're going to be stuck with Diomedes forever now...for the rest of your life. Should you fight until you die? or could you maybe, possibly, find a way to make it so that this could be bearable? Is that even possible? He is so close. \n\nYou are torn.\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6974e4b08984da53c88c/1397451125490/oneeye.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nThe hour? Diomedes says. Can I come?\n\nDo you say:\n\n[[YES|yousayyes]]\n\nor\n\n[[NO|yousayno]]\n\n?
You take the back stairs up to the gallery so you can watch them men parade in without being seen and hopefully avoid your Uncle Pandarus. \n\nOf course, you run into him in the gallery. Pandarus is a large man, sweaty and barrel-chested, though with the kind of sweet temperment particular to the self-indulgent. \n\nPandarus means well...he does...but sometimes you wish he would just stay out of your life. \n\nLook there! Pandarus says. Isn't Troilus a nice young man? Let's go talk with him a while. \n\nYou look. \nYou know who Troilus is. \nIn fact, you are totally and desperately in love with Troilus. \n(At least, you think you are.)\n\nDo you [[daydream about Troilus|daydream]] for a while or do you follow Pandarus to [[go speak with him|troilusconvo]]? Or, perhaps,despite your delusions of love, [[you want nothing to do with this Troilus guy|NOPETOTROILUS]]?
You refuse to help Helen escape. \n\nHelen is trouble, having cheated on her husband with Paris, voluntarily or not, she is a false woman, and you know that if you help her you'll be false by associataion. \n\nGood move, my daughter. \n\n[[Now go to that parade of heroes and have a nice time.|checkoutparade]]\n\n[[Or you can avoid the parade totally. There's something about a war hero that you just don't trust. It makes you feel uneasy.|noparade]]
You wake up and find yourself, no longer Cressida but CRISEYDE. Is that a wimple you are wearing? OH GOD, OH NO... \n\nI regret to inform you that your instinct to precipitously confess your feelings was SO BAD that you have been reincarnated backwards in time. We're talking Pre-Shakespeare.\nThat's right, you have found yourself in Chaucer. You are condemned to go all the way back to the source materials. \n\nLearn from the past, my daughter. \n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/535d36b7e4b04569e71dc7b1/1398617785125/photo.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nRemember how sweet and fearful of everything you used to be? You were better then. You understood that love brought you nothing but misery. Even if you then, as now, sometimes wavered...\n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/535d36c6e4b04569e71dc7bc/1398617798031/photo-2.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nBack then you were at least fighting the good fight. Spend some time in Chaucerland. Make yourself sweet again. The restart the game as Cressida and see if you cant get things right. \n\n[[Restart the game|Start]]\n\n[[I am too weary, cue the James Brown...|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juTeHsKPWhY&feature=kp]]
[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6974e4b08984da53c88e/1397451125933/stopmymouth.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nYou mean it as, like, a RHETORICAL STATEMENT. You are talking to yourself, telling yourself to shut up, more than anything. \n\nBut that's when Troilus kisses you. \n\nPerhaps he misunderstood? \n\nThe thing is: it's a good kiss. And now you're really in trouble. \n\nYou pull away because you are liking kissing this boy way too much...when you see a change in his face. Do you? Oh my god you do. \n\nYou're not imagining it, you swear. Already, with this kiss, you have given something up. Something that used to be yours and now is no longer...\n\n[[Do you run away and go home|RUNAWAY]] or do you [[try to find a way to fix things, to take it back?|VOW]]
Cressida Rising
You wake up and find yourself, no longer Cressida but CRESSEID. You have been, how shall we say? "Translated and betrayed out of joy"? That's how Mister Seamus Heaney would say it, anyway \n\nI regret to inform you that your lascivious nature and flirtations with Diomedes have condemned you to be reincarnated backward in time. We're talking Pre-Shakespeare. That's right, my daughter you are condemned to go all the way back to the source materials. You have found yourself in Robert Henryson's version of your story. And let me tell you, it's not so great. \n\nBy betraying Troilus (don't argue, my daughter) you anger Saturn. Eventually Diomedes leaves you and Saturn passes down judgement, albeit it in a borderline incomprehensible Scots-poetry sort of way (Saturn is funny like that): \n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/535d3f22e4b014b8a006bf03/1398619939258/photo.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nWas that hard to understand? You better get used to it, this is where you live now. The news from Saturn is that you have leprosy and will die a diseased beggar and a whore, sadly prostituting yourself until you die...but before you do? Troilus is going to swing by to see you in your misery and say DIDN'T I USED TO KNOW YOU? and you'll look up at the face you thought you loved for a second and it wont be at all like you remembered it and you'll say: \n\nPlease don't let on that you knew me when I was hungry and it was your world? \n\n[[Restart the game|Start]]\n\n[[I am too weary, cue the Nina Simone...|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4U8P4RtKZbw&feature=kp]]\n
[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6972e4b021e125aa9770/1397451123590/ohtroilus.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nThe thing about Troilus is this: you've been giving him the cold shoulder for weeks precisely because you think he's the cat's pajamas. \n\nHe's so handsome. And he's anti-war! And seemingly unimpressed by Helen! He's different from other guys, you can tell.\n\nI mean, mostly his charm is that you can tell he likes you, Pandarus has said as much, and we all know how the seed of such a thing can grow inside a willing mind. \n\nWhat all this means is: you really, really want to go talk to him. \n\nBut the thing is, the moment you let him know that you like him back? You have this awful feeling that you'll have ruined everything. That suddenly he wont like you anymore. It makes sense inside your head. Giving Troilus the cold shoulder is the one bit of power you have...and the idea of giving that up is almost as terrible as the idea of NOT telling him that you love him madly and not kissing him and touching him and...\n\nBut isn't that a little crazy, you might be saying to yourself, in a moment of doubt? Why would that be true? \n\n(It has to do with mystery and a woman named Simone de Beauvoir who has not been born yet.)\n\n(It has to do with a mentality that perhaps starts right here, right now, and echoes onwards through time until someday it is reborn as a best-selling selfhelp guide called The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right.) \n\nIt just IS TRUE, my daughter.\nBut of course, the choice is yours...and you're going to have to make it in just a moment so snap out of your daydream, my daughter. Pandarus is pulling you along. [[It's time to face the music, one way or another.|troilusconvo]]
[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6971e4b08984da53c884/1397451122592/gameover.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nI mean, OF COURSE you help Helen. \n\nYou dont particularly like her. It's possible you're jealous or it's possible she's just not that likeable of a person despite the whole infamous face thing, but the point is that ladies need to stick together because Juno knows no one else is looking out for you. \n\nLate that night you and Helen disguise yourselves with scarves and sneak out into the Greek camp with help of your maid. You will always remember this night, sweating in your disguises, how Helen smelled of ambergris, the way she breathed fast like she was desperate and you wondered if maybe she hadn't been bullshitting you about the whole kidnapping thing after all. How she hugged you and thanked you earnestly cried when you conveyed her back to the Greeks, to a man on the watch your maid knew who promised to get her safely back to Menelaus.\n\nYou feel good about this decision. Sisterhood transcending identity politics. believing the best in people.\n\nAlso, holy shit! You have ended the Trojan War early! Think of how many lives you have saved, not to mention how many egos, just by helping Helen do what she wanted int the first place. \n\nBut things are not always so simple....\n\nIn the morning you wake up, your scarves still smelling of Helen's perfume. Your maid comes to you in tears and lets you know that as soon as Helen was brought to Menelaus? He had her killed. \n\nAfter being with Paris she was, to him, soiled. \n\nBut they kidnapped me! Helen cried, I didn't want to be with him!\n\nIt did not matter. She was false either way\n\nAnd as for you?\n\nThe maid is so frightened she reveals that it was you who helped Helen escape and so you are a traitor to the Trojans. You are false to your people and, by the way? You are false by association with Helen too. \n\nGame Over!\n\nYou may be saying to yourself, but that's not fair! \n\nOh, my sweet daughter.\n\nWould you like to try again? Let's reincarnate poor Cressida in another lifetime and see if she, and you, fare better. I should warn you though, in case you have any delusions about the linearity of time, once you enter the reincarnation cycle? There's no telling where you'll end up....\n\n[[I got this. Reincarnate Me|Reincarnate1]][img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6975e4b021e125aa9777/1397451143463/reincarnate.JPG?format=500w]]\n\n\n[[Take me back to Helen's room, please. I'm still hopeful for Cressida in this life.|shoottheshit]]\n\n
After spending the evening with Troilus, you wake up full of joy. \n\nYou are in love! \n\nUnfortunately this happiness does not last long. \n\nA messanger arrives at Pandarus's house and anounces that you will be traded to the Greeks in exhange for a Trojan prisoner of war. Specifically, they are giving you to a Greek warrior named Diomedes. You will marry him, never mind that he's the enemy or that you've never met him before or that you've, as recently as a last night, lost your virginity to Troilus. \n\nFoolishly, you still think your love can save you...\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6977e4b08984da53c892/1397451128510/willnotgo.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nBut, the thing is, Troilus turns out to be sort of a weenie. So, while he's, like, super sad that he's losing you? His reaction is basically: I'M SORRY YOU HAVE TO MARRY DIOMEDES BUT PROMISE YOU'LL STAY FAITHFUL TO ME ANYWAY, OKAY? TAKE THIS SLEEVE AS A TOKEN OF MY LOVE. BYE BYE I WILL MISS YOU!\n\nWhat do you say?\n\n[[Of course. Absolutely. Thanks for the Sleeve.|GreekCamp]]\n\n[[Dude, please DO SOMETHING!|Nope]]
[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6977e4b021e125aa9779/1397451128453/whathaveidone.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nDamn right. My daughter, at this moment? You are teetering right at the edge of falsehood. You are THIS CLOSE. Proceed with caution\n\nTroilus says not to worry about the kiss. He was into it. He says he's gonna love you forever and that for the rest fo time whenever people talk about great love? Of faithfulness? They'll talk about him. They'll call such lovers AS TRUE AS TROILUS!\n\nThat's nice you suppose. \nBut, basically, all that you want? Like, best case scenario? \n\nFor no one to ever know who you are. \n\nNo good comes of female celebrity. \n\nAnd so you tell Troilus that if you are true no one will know of you at all. But if you are ever false? Then, then, you should live in infamy. \n\nYou say: [img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/534b6970e4b08984da53c882/1397451143757/falseas.JPG?format=500w]]\n\nFrankly, I don't know what you were thinking.\n\nThis is when Pandarus returns and kindly offers you and Troilus a bed in which to consummate your love. \n\n[[Do you want to skip ahead to the next morning...|nextmorning]]\n\n([[Or hear about what happens in the bedroom...|bedroom]])\n\n[[Listen, it's been a nice afternoon and all but I'm not consumating anything just yet. Jeez. Take me home, please.|NOPETOTROILUS]]
You find Helen in her bedroom. She is brushing her hair. \n\nOf course she is. \n\nShe is also weeping. In fact, the face that launched a thousand ships is snotting rather unattractively into a handkerchief that costs more than the dress you are wearing.\n\nWhat is it? You say. Why did you ask me to come? \n\nShe weeps percussively. \n\nBeautiful women have no problems and so it follows that Helen should have no problems and that, really, Helen is being quite silly. You try again: Why are you crying? \n\nI want to go home, Helen says. Can you help me? \n\nCan you? \n\n[[YES|Yeshelen]]\t\n\n\n\t\t[[NO|Nohelen]]
CJ Hauser
WOAH. \n\nSo you wake up and you are still Cressida in your heart but in your body is a whole different story. \n\nIt is 2013 and you are a Dutch photojournalist on assignment in Mumbai, India. \n\nElsewhere five men are playing cards. One gets a phone call and tells the others the time has come to "go hunting." \n\nWhat are we hunting? One of the men says. \n\nA beautiful deer, the man who answered the phone says. \n\nMy sweet daughter, I regret to inform you that the beautiful deer is you. \n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/535d68d6e4b08c41d0c36cf3/1398630615925/mumbai2.JPG?format=300w]]\n\nThe men will find you in the road and will take you to a warehouse where they will pass you from one to the next, raping you repetedly, asking you to recreate pornographic acts that they will show you on a cellphone. \n\nDo it like this, they will say. \n\nYour case will make the news and the men will go to trial and in the papers they will talk, not about how terrible it is, what happened to you, but rather, how remarkable it is that with so many gang rapes happening every day that this one, for some reason, is making the news...\n\nThere will be much speculation as to whether the whole thing is your fault. \n\n[img[https://static.squarespace.com/static/5112c07de4b011af9d28fa68/534b694be4b08984da53c86a/535d686de4b014b8a006e837/1398630510364/mumbai%201.JPG?format=300w]]\n\n[[Restart the game|Start]]\n\n[[No thanks, I am too weary, cue the Madonna please...|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTSrV_0vG-4&feature=kp]]\n\n
You are so ashamed, so full of loss, that you take off, running, as fast as you can in your skirts, for home. \n\nWait! Troilus calls. \n\nBut you cant bear to look at him, at his face like that. You were doing so well and then you had to go and say the wrong thing and now your chances are ruined. He'll never see you the same way again. Stop my mouth. What were you thinking? Didn't you sort of know what would happen? You must have, on some level, been asking for that kiss. On some level, this is your fault. \n\nHelen would never have made a mistake like that. \nThere is a keening sound of misery and alarm in your chest--it is a sound that means something is wrong--it is a sound that, in another lifetime, might be like that of a busted fuel guage on a 1986 Volkswagon Golf....\n\nBack in your room you throw yourself down on your bed and weep and weep.\nIt's the end of the world, you think.\n[[What could be worse than the way you feel right now?|ENDLIFEDIOMEDES]]