"It's-" you begin.\n\n"Shh. Just relax," she replies. "Don't worry so much."\n\n"But I-"\n\nShe locks eyes firmly with you and you stop talking.\n\n[[Touch|BreatheCrySpeakTouch]]
You breathe softly into her ear, feeling the elicited quiver all the way down her body. She lets out a long sensual sigh and arcs her head back over your shoulder.\n\n[[Speak|TouchBreatheSpeak]] [[Cry|TouchBreatheCry]]
You can't help but join her in crying. You've shared a blow, and though you know the burden of guilt is on you, you feel like she might want to grow through this as much as you do.\n\nBy the time the blue light turns to orange in the early hours of the morning, you are both fast asleep in each other's arms.\n\nEND
In the silence, you reach forward, offering your hand to her. She takes it, tentatively, and you feel, more than ever, the lightness of her fingers.\n\n"Yes."\n\nYou can hardly believe your ears. Your eyes widen in disbelief.\n\n"I would love to share my life with you."\n\nThere's no mishearing that.\n\n[[Cry|BreatheSpeakTouchCry]]
And so you begin to cry. \n\nIt is the cry of someone at the end of their rope, a cry of being utterly lost, wanting for a way out and seeing nothing, nothing at all. It is deep and hollow and primal and when you are done you feel absolutely empty.\n\nShe rolls over to face you and you are surprised to find her eyes no longer wet with tears, just bowed with sadness. Pity, even. She regards you a moment, then blinks, one final tear falling down her face.\n\nAnd in that brief gaze you know there is no going back. Things cannot be made again as once they were. But she looked at you as one who recognizes the inherent humanity in you, the fragility and fallibility that led you to this moment. You know that you might never have her forgiveness, but perhaps, one day, you might have her understanding. \n\nEND
You don't feel right. Nothing about this is how you'd envisioned it. Suddenly you feel a rush of uncertainty and begin to quiver.\n\nYou withdraw your hand just as you begin to cry uncontrollably.\n\nShe turns around and you can see tears streaked across her face as well. In the dim light you lock eyes with her.\n\n[[Speak|BreatheTouchCrySpeak]]
Pulling out of her embrace, you look deeply into her eyes and speak:\n\n"I'm sorry."\n\nHer response is sympathetic and understanding. "I know." She smiles gently.\n\n[[Breathe|CryTouchSpeakBreathe]]
So you attempt to touch her, though you're not even sure that you want to. You certainly don't enjoy it.\n\nWhen all is said and done, the night feels even colder and you can't get to sleep no matter how hard you try.\n\nEND
You reach out and put a hand on her waist. She jumps a little at your touch, but doesn't move beyond that. You can see her shoulders are still tense and her breathing even faster and shallower than before.\n\n[[Speak|BreatheTouchSpeak]] [[Cry|BreatheTouchCry]]
You reach out and lay your hand on her cheek. Both of you fall silent, finding each other's eyes with a deep and soulful gaze.\n\n[[Breathe|CrySpeakTouchBreathe]]
Deeply in and out you breathe. The warmth of your tears has faded and you're left with a chill on your skin. The moment crystallizes in your mind.\n\nYou are alone. And she is alone. The journey of two has ended and each of you will walk now in solitude.\n\nWhere does one go when they have destroyed their own way?\n\nThe cold of the night offers no suggestions.\n\nEND
You stop speaking and take a breath. Words are not enough. You've counted on them time and time again to make everything right but now they have failed.\n\nShe lies still once again, leaving you to contemplate in the darkness.\n\n[[Touch|SpeakBreatheTouch]] [[Cry|SpeakBreatheCry]]
You attempt to pull her close, but it's clear that this is not what she wants. You return your arm to your side and notice, with dismay, that her expression has shifted from nervous and tentative to utterly resigned.\n\n[[Speak|CryBreatheTouchSpeak]]
Wait. Collect yourself. Breathe in.\n\nOkay. You can do this. Yes. You've certainly thought enough about it. Hell, you've practically written a whole script for this in your head. But now that you're here, all your preparation, all your rehearsal seems to have left you.\n\nWhere to begin?\n\n[[Speak|BreatheSpeak]] [[Touch|BreatheTouch]] [[Cry|BreatheCry]]
You reach for her and she rolls further away. You can feel the hot warmth of her emotion as you withdraw your hand and place it gently to your chest.\n\n[[Breathe|SpeakTouchBreathe]] [[Cry|SpeakTouchCry]]
You attempt to justify yourself, stammering out this and that, but it's no good. You've simply got too much on your mind.\n\nShe's visibly frustrated, and moves to grab her things and leave. You attempt to protest, but can't make any sensible words fit together.\n\nSoon she leaves and you are left alone.\n\n[[Breathe|TouchCrySpeakBreathe]]
It seems that all you can do in this moment is cry. So you do, and quickly lose yourself to body-wracking sobs. You abandon yourself to wailing and howled questions against fate:\n\nWhy?! Why me? Why does life have to be so cruel?\n\nIt is not long before you are a blubbering mess.\n\n[[Touch|SpeakBreatheCryTouch]]
Looking back at her, you take a deep breath, temporarily stemming the tide of your tears. \n\nShe nervously bites her lip before opening her mouth to speak.\nBut nothing comes out. She purses her lips and averts her eyes from yours. It seems this is as difficult to broach for her as it is for you.\n\n[[Speak|CryBreatheSpeak]] [[Touch|CryBreatheTouch]]
By the end of it, you are a quivering mass of jelly, reduced to tears by her extensive exploration of your body. Utterly spent, you collapse against her.\n\nShe pulls away, however, and says, "That'll be $400." You happily retrieve your wallet and give her five.\n\n"See you next week."\n\nEND
This hurts. Your words have failed and your touch has failed and you can't keep it in any longer.\n\nYour tears come fast and hot, rolling down your cheeks and soaking the pillow underneath. \n\nFrom above, the scene is one of great loneliness: two beings bound to suffer in isolation.\n\n[[Breathe|SpeakTouchCryBreathe]]
And together you breathe. The stillness of the early morning becomes strikingly apparent as you drink it in with her. All is calm in this moment, and this moment seems to last an eternity. \n\nWhatever it is, you feel you can work through it. The first rays of the sun illuminate your shared connection and signal the beginning of this new day together.\n\nEND
But it's not the breath she thought it was, rather a pursed-lip exhale before the tears begin to fall. And fall they do.\n\n[[Speak|TouchBreatheCrySpeak]]
You too begin to cry, at first quietly, internally, but you can't keep the sounds of remorse contained within yourself. As she hears your muffled sobs, her weeping becomes audible as well.\n\nTwo bodies in the darkness, both wracked with grief, crying out shapeless sounds and shaking as if to cast it off. \n\n[[Touch|SpeakCryTouch]] [[Breathe|SpeakCryBreathe]]
"I want you to..." you begin, detailing for her your fantasies of touch and sense and ecstasy. She purrs along with your descriptions and runs her hand along your body in anticipation.\n\nThe next several hours are beyond description.\n\n[[Cry|TouchBreatheSpeakCry]]
You breathe deeply and lock your gaze with hers. In her eyes you can see the long road ahead, but you know that she will walk it with you.\n\nThere is a coolness about the air, but you hardly feel it.\n\nEND
You hold on to the moment a little longer, breathing deeply of her warmth and her scent. There is nowhere else you'd rather be, but you know you can't simply lie in her arms forever.\n\n[[Speak|CryTouchBreatheSpeak]]
So you open the floodgates. You pour out all of the things that have been troubling you about your relationship with her, all the ways in which you've been feeling unsure and all the ways you've been unhappy. Once you've started, you can't stop yourself, and you find you've soon exhausted the entirety of your thoughts and feelings surrounding her.\n\nIn the sudden silence, you watch as many different emotions pass over her face. That was a lot to process, surely, and she seems almost stunned by it.\n\n[[Touch|CryBreatheSpeakTouch]]
She reaches for you and you accept her embrace, warm and full and open, in a way you'd almost forgotten. You feel closer to her now than you have in months and hope she can feel the bonfire in your chest as you press her to it.\n\nYou make love like you never have before, not with her or anyone, unabashed and free and glorious.\n\nTogether you greet the warm glow of the dawn with a new warmth of your own.\n\nEND
You whisper softly to her of your affections and relish the subtle reactions of her body. She is a goddess before you, and you her devout. You feel truly blessed to receive her affections.\n\n[[Breathe|TouchSpeakBreathe]] [[Cry|TouchSpeakCry]]
Amidst your sobs you reach for her. Her recoil is fast and forceful. \n\n"Pathetic. Could you look beyond yourself for once? For //once//, could you consider another person? How I feel, maybe? Or-"\n\nWith this her cries redouble, at once angry and hurt, and you know you'll find no comfort there. But why?! It seems so unfair.\n\nPerhaps you'll never learn.\n\nEND
You are staggered. \n\nLove? \n\nLove?\n\nCould she really mean that? In her eyes, though, lies your answer. She has looked upon you and found you to be worthy. \n\nYou take a deep breath, trying to absorb this moment fully. She loves you. She has looked upon you, warts and all, and found you deserving of her love.\n\nLooking back at her, you know without a doubt that you love her too.\n\nEND
In the pale blue light of the city night, you can just make out her form: lying on her side, facing away from you. \n\nHer silhouette betrays her shallow breathing; breathing not of deep and peaceful sleep but of restlessness and carried tension.\n\nShe is waiting for you to do something.\n\n[[Speak]] [[Touch]] [[Breathe]] [[Cry]]
You try to articulate yourself, but she is closed to the discussion. As far as she is concerned, it doesn't matter: she is unsatisfied and that's the end of it.\n\nThe blue night seems interminable as you contemplate the ceiling until the sun comes up.\n\nEND\n
And suddenly it is too much. You feel as if you could never be worthy of this woman. You begin to shake, and then to sob. You feel like a fraud that she would lay here with you. She must not have seen your ubiquitous imperfection, your pervasive character flaws. Surely there's been a mistake.\n\nShe cuts you off as she turns around, looks deeply into your eyes, and speaks, "I love you."\n\n[[Breathe|TouchSpeakCryBreathe]]
"I-" you start.\n\nShe rolls over, her eyes wide, curious, receptive. You blush and avert your eyes. Slowly, you draw them back up to meet hers.\n\n"I want to be with you. I want to share in your joy and help shoulder your sadness. I want to spend every moment of my life with you. Will you marry me?"\n\nThe following pause is positively pregnant.\n\n[[Touch|BreatheSpeakTouch]] [[Cry|BreatheSpeakCry]]
You've never felt so welcomed, so accepted, so encouraged. \n\n"Thank you," you manage to stammer out, your voice shaky with a tumult of emotion.\n\nShe smiles back at you with kindness in her eyes and pulls you in for a close embrace. "You're welcome."\n\nThe buzzing in your mind keeps you awake for a time, but when you fall asleep you fall hard and dream deeply.\n\nEND
After an eternity of silence, you know her answer is not what you were hoping it would be. Your lip begins to quiver and your eyes fall from hers. The tears begin to roll shortly after.\n\nShe begins, "I... like you. But this is a little much."\n\nThe words hit you like a punch in the gut. You don't know what you do.\n\n[[Touch|BreatheSpeakCryTouch]]
You fall apart completely.\n\nWith a sigh, she rolls over and reaches for your hand. She places it against her body. \n\n"Here. Like this."\n\nYou're still a mess; you're not sure at all what to do.\n\n[[Speak|BreatheCrySpeak]] [[Touch|BreatheCryTouch]]
Seeing her like that, you can't help but react. \n\nThe very instant your tears begin, hers release as well. The two of you cry as she unloads her burden long into the early morning hours.\n\nBy the time the tears have dried up, you are both utterly exhausted. It's not an easy sleep, but it does come quickly. You dream of the sunrise.\n\nEND
You reach out to her as if to encourage her own outpouring of emotion, but are surprised as she slowly, but decisively, withdraws.\n\n"You really feel all those things? You really feel that way about me?"\n\nAnd you realize you may have said too much. With all of your doubts on the table, you've left little room for the positive.\n\n"Isn't there anything you //like// about me?!"\n\nYou attempt to stammer out a response, but the damage has been done. She turns away from you and it is clear you've a long road ahead if you wish to make things right.\n\nEND
So you begin to tentatively move your hand along her side in small strokes, her skin soft and warm to the touch. Gradually, you relax into it and she pulls you closer. Soon, you can feel the warmth of her body along hers and the tenderness of her returned touch.\n\nIt feels good to be close to someone like this.\n\n[[Speak|BreatheCryTouchSpeak]]
With a shaky voice, you begin to unload your feelings to her. What's been on your mind, what's been lurking in the corners of your relationship, what's gone unsaid that really ought to have come out long ago.\n\nSoon the both of you are speaking, quickly and in many directions, taking each other's thoughts in and passing them back with shared feeling. Emotions are flying wildly about the room and it's quickly becoming too much to handle. You feel yourself beginning to shake once again.\n\n[[Touch|CrySpeakTouch]] [[Breathe|CrySpeakBreathe]]
At a loss, you begin to cry. The tears feel as if they have been on the threshold of bursting out for ages. \n\nShe rolls to face you, sympathy and sadness in her eyes.\n\n[[Speak|CrySpeak]] [[Touch|CryTouch]] [[Breathe|CryBreathe]]
You breathe in deeply and your crying subsides. There is once again only the sound of her weeping to fill the blue emptiness of the room.\n\n[[Touch|SpeakCryBreatheTouch]]
So you breathe in, deeply, and the sudden silence from one half of the conversation provokes the startled same from the other.\n\nSlowly, across your flushed and tear-stained faces, both of you begin to smile.\n\n[[Touch|CrySpeakBreatheTouch]]
You speak, "Are you... okay?"\n\nAs she rolls over, the answer to your question is clear. Her face is twisted with grief and pain and she seems to be doing everything in her power to keep from crying.\n\n[[Cry|BreatheTouchSpeakCry]]
This moment so perfect, so artfully crafted by some unknown hand, that you simply must pause to drink it all in. So you breathe in deeply, savouring the light and the sound, the smell and the touch. \n\nShe breathes with you and you feel an energy growing between your bodies.\n\n[[Cry|TouchSpeakBreatheCry]]
After (minutes? hours? aeons?), both of your cries slowly fade away and you are left in a quiet embrace. Each of your faces is sticky with dried tears, each of your eyelashes matted together.\n\nYou breathe in deeply and find her mirroring your breath. Together you take new air into your lungs and, with that rich inhalation, you feel like the long journey towards healing has begun.\n\nEND
Lying there in the darkness, all you can do is breathe and think about all that's flying around your head. \n\nPerhaps it's too soon to be with another again. Perhaps there are things that need to be sorted out first. Perhaps you'll talk to someone in the morning.\n\nThe night passes. Perhaps tomorrow is better.\n\nEND
You breathe in, attempting to reconstitute yourself. She turns to you with understanding and places a hand on your chest.\n\n[[Speak|TouchCryBreatheSpeak]]
You eventually bring yourself to withdraw from her embrace, and raise your head to speak. \n\n"I'm sorry."\n\nShe smiles a sympathetic smile, but the pity in her eyes says that things can't ever be the same.\n\nThough your bed is warm, the thought of the days ahead leaves you cold.\n\nEND
You reach out and gently place a hand on her shoulder. You can feel her body shaking beneath it and so press your hand against her with all the love and regret and compassion you can attempt to communicate with a single touch.\n\nShe reaches up and places her hand on yours.\n\n[[Cry|SpeakBreatheTouchCry]]
Welcome to "bluelit," my first attempt at using Twine and my second attempt at interactive fiction.\n\nIn the telling of this story, you will have four options: ''speak'', ''touch'', ''breathe'', and ''cry''. \nYou may use each once and your story will not be over until you've used all four.\n\n[[Begin|Beginning]]
So you open up to her once again. She is very considerate in her counsel and you feel comforted by her as ever you have. \n\nSometimes, though, you can't help but wonder if you'll ever be able to have a normal relationship. \n\nFor now, you'll keep trying.\n\nEND
You reach for her and she rolls into your embrace. Together you sob into each other's shoulder, your pain dampened in the sharing, at least for the moment. \n\n[[Breathe|SpeakCryTouchBreathe]]
And so you do the only thing you can, tears flowing freely in the joy of each other.\n\nHours later, the both of you lie still, peacefully spooning in the rising light of the new day.\n\nEND
You speak, "We... don't have to."\n\nIn saying so, it's as if a thick fog has been lifted from the room. Her eyes brighten as she takes a deep breath in and smiles, lips pressed tightly together to keep more tears from coming. \n\nThe night passes with a great relief, the morning finding you spooning gently into each other's clothed bodies.\n\nEND
This energy overwhelms you; you can't control your emotions and you begin, erratically, to let out little cries of exhilaration and joy.\n\nShe turns around to look upon you and laughs freely, sharing in the joy and overwhelming happiness of this moment. \n\nAll is right in the world, at least for tonight. Tomorrow looks favourable as well.\n\nEND
So you reach for her, but the moment has irreversibly shifted.\n\nShe speaks: "I think I'd better go."\n\nAnd she does, briskly, leaving you alone with your thoughts in this suddenly very empty bedroom. Why does this always happen?\n\nEND
So you try to stammer out some words. They are imprecise and seem to go largely unnoticed as you speak them.\n\nAfter a moment of this, she locks cold, unwelcoming eyes with you and tersely says, "Good night."\n\nYou lie awake until dawn.\n\nEND
You feel your chest rise as you inhale deeply. Two of you wrestling with twisted emotions: grief and anger and blame and guilt, but neither of you able to clear a path to the other.\n\nYou feel as if you've got nothing left.\n\n[[Cry|SpeakTouchBreatheCry]]
You place your hand on her waist, pulling yourself to her, feeling the curve of her body against yours.\n\nShe is warm and smooth and presses back against you.\n\n[[Speak|TouchSpeak]] [[Breathe|TouchBreathe]] [[Cry|TouchCry]]
Berkley Staite\nhttps://twitter.com/berv_
You extend an arm as if to pull her towards you, but she shrinks away and her crying only intensifies. \n\nShe rolls to face you, regarding you harshly through tear drenched eyelashes, and hoarsely speaks a single word: "Leave."\n\nAnd in that moment, your self-fractured heart finally gives and falls to pieces. In a trance, you do as she instructs. \n\nThere is little comfort outside the bedroom or even in the city beyond. You feel as if the pieces of your life-that-was might never be reassembled. And so, for the time being, you stumble along, numb to all that around you. What hope is there for someone who is so truly the agent of their own destruction?\n\nEND
But it's too much. Here, like this, again. You can't keep the emotions from welling up and bursting out.\n\nAs you begin to cry, you roll away from her again, ashamed and frustrated. \n\n[[Speak|TouchCrySpeak]] [[Breathe|TouchCryBreathe]]
You reach for hear and she hugs you close to her chest. The sound of her heartbeat absorbs you and you feel tranquility spreading within you.\n\nThings are going to be okay.\n\n[[Speak|CryTouchSpeak]] [[Breathe|CryTouchBreathe]]
You begin to speak. To feebly try and say whatever it is that might begin to lift this pall.\n\nIt was an accident. I'm sorry. I would give anything to take it all back.\n\nYour words are difficult and desperate; each syllable is heavy and none of them could possibly convey the depth of your regret. But regret can't undo the past.\n\nShe begins to cry, shaking silently in the darkness.\n\n[[Touch|SpeakTouch]] [[Breathe|SpeakBreathe]] [[Cry|SpeakCry]]