<<if $tone eq "humour">>To hide your disappointment you make a joke about having been thinking in 5D. After you finish speaking you realize the sentiment was completely incoherent, even to you. Your opponent laughs politely, but seems distracted.\n\nWhy?\n\nAre you missing an avenue of attack?<<else>>You grimace slightly. Your opponent relaxes visibly.\nWait, that's actual relief on your opponent's face.\nYou are missing something. You stare at the board. \n\nYou reason it out.\nYour opponent thinks you were trying something else and still feels threatened. \nYour displeasure told them that you didn't see the opportunity you just opened up, and so they relaxed.\n<<endif>>\n\nYou look at the board for a while but the pieces start to blur together.\n\n[[Focus hard, find your opportunity|thoughtstrategicattritionopp]]\n[[Pursue a completely new tack to shake things up|thoughtstrategicattritionnewtack]]
<<if $tone eq "humour">>Your opponent grins and moves a piece.\n"This, I suppose."\n\nYou're deciding what move to make next when your opponent says "Now you're supposed to dramatically knock down your own king and look away wistfully."\n\nIt takes you a minute, but then you see it. Oops. That was checkmate. You try another dramatic anguished cry. It comes out like a coyote bark. Your opponent is polite enough not to comment.\n\n"I'm glad you made me do something dramatic. That could have kept going forever, the way we were playing. Do you want a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<else>>"Mate in two moves" says your opponent.\n"Um."\n"That could have gone either way"\nYou agree without believing it while you work our how it's mate in two moves.\nYou're still not quite sure when your opponent asks "Should we play a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<endif>>\n
<<silently>>\n<<set $tone = "humour">>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou laugh and make light of your confusion.\n\nYour opponent chuckles. You smile back. You decide to dispense with the chess jargon, though your opponent argues that it's not really "jargon" exactly.\n\nGood humor all around. This is a friendly game. You should play friendly games more often.\n\n[[Wait for your opponent's move|opwaitmove]]
You move a rook at random because there is a space for it to go.\n\nIt is taken instantly.\n\nYou shake it off and move another pawn to keep things going. There's a bit more back & forth. This was all part of your strategy to disrupt your opponent's plan, some losses are inevitable.\n\n[[Your opponent takes your queen.|nonsenseattrition]]
MOLLUSK GONE BAD PRESENTS:\n\n[[ADVANCED CHESS SIMULATOR|begin]]
LOCKED\n\nUnlock Easy Mode by forcing Charles MacMullen to actually write easy mode.\n\n[[Back|begin]]
Your opponent takes your rook with a bishop you hadn't noticed.\n\n"Check. Next move is mate."\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>While you're trying to work out how the next move is checkmate, your opponent makes jokes about how your mecha-Hitler master race is doomed by it's lack of tactical savvy. You murmur a response about how you're still not convinced, but then quickly clarify that you mean you're still not sure it's really checkmate.\n\nAfter three or four minutes you figure out your opponent was right and concede defeat.\n\n"That was a pretty fast game. I really thought you were up to something at the end. Do you want a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<else>>"Good game" says your opponent.\n"Yeah."\n"What were you doing in the middle there?"\n"Oh, I was trying to force a specific move out of you, but you never took the bait."\n"Weird, I never noticed the 'bait.' \nWant a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<endif>>\n
You continue to position your pieces according to plan as though your bishop was still in play. Your opponent provides no obstacles and you can't detect any plan. There's no obvious avenue of attack for either of you.\n\nNow you have no idea what to do.\n\n [[You fear you'll end up in stalemate, the least satisfying chess outcome.|thoughnonsenseattritionnewtackdeath]]
You quickly put a remaining rook into harm's way, without even looking at what that does to the board.\n\nYour opponent takes the rook. \n\nSuddenly you see an opening. A huge opening.\n\nEXCELLENT.\n\nYou move your remaining bishop into position.\n\n"Checkmate." you say.\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>You raise your eyebrows. You try to remember a classic action movie quote since your Foucault gambit so clearly failed, but the only one you can think of is from the Simpsons. \n\nYou decide not to make a joke. \n[["Good Game"|thoughtnonsenseattritiondeath]] you say, trying not to gloat.\n<<else>>You let your breath out. You've won. The rules of etiquette suggest you should flatter your opponent even though you feel like shouting in delight. \n"Excellent game," you say, "I was a bit worried for a while there. [[Nicely played."|thoughtnonsenseattritiondeath]]<<endif>>
You look thoughtfully at the board and then at your opponent. You read a book about chess strategy once. \n\nYou smile.\n\n[[Carefully select a piece to move.|pawnintentional]]\n[[Select a piece to move at random.|knightrandom]]\n[[Wrack your brain to try to remember a chess opening you read about once.|chessopening]]
The chess board is set up. Your opponent graciously allows you to go first. You're embarrassed to discover that you're already nervous, but you remind yourself that this is a casual game. It's fun. You have fun playing games.\n\n[[Take the first move.|yougofirst]]\n\n[[Insist that your opponent go first.|opponentgoesfirst]]
AUGH! Too many branches! I'll finish these later so I have a game. \n\nReminder to self, there are a bunch of orphan passages on this branch.\n\n[[Back|Medium]]
You gather yourself and look carefully at your pieces.\n\nDeep breaths, empty your mind. There's a strategy here and there is an opportunity. You haven't actually blown everything. You vaguely remember a game you won as a kid after losing a queen early on. Now that you think about it, though, you suspect your aunt let you win that game.\n\nNevermind, this is a system and you can think of it as a system and there is a shape to everything and didn't you read something about troop deployment and chess once and...\nWAIT A MINUTE...\n\nTaking your queen was a greedy move. Now there is a clear path to your opponent's unprotected king.\n\nExcellent.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>\nYou giggle awkwardly as you move your rook into position, then try to pass it off as maniacal laughter.\nYour opponent is clearly unconvinced, but amused nonetheless.\n\nYou say "check" but it sounds like a question somehow. A smirk.\n<<else>>You move your rook into position. Impassive, you say "check" in as low a voice as you can muster. It doesn't crack.\n\nYour opponent looks surprised. Success.<<endif>>\n\n[["Interesting," your opponent says|nonsenseattritiondeath]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $tone = "serious">>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou say "Yes, of course" and nod seriously.\n\nYour opponent wears a blank expression.\n\nYou're both lost in thought. This is what chess is all about. Thinking. Planning. Strategizing. You struggle to remain impassive while you try to remember what you should be thinking about while your opponent considers the next move.\n\n[[Wait patiently.|opwaitmove]]
You gather yourself and look carefully at the space between the pieces.\n\nWait! Maybe that's your mistake!\nYour musings on 3D chess mean you're still looking at things as some weirdly impractical possibility space.\nYou need to be in the weeds! What are your tactical options?\n\nYou suddenly notice a way to put your opponent in check. You hadn't even considered it before. You couldn't have. It didn't exist until you lost your bishop.\n\nExcellent.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>\n"Cry havoc and let loose the gods of yore! Also check!" you shout as you move into position. \n\nYour opponent corrects your quote, but you don't care.\n<<else>>You make your move and nod sagely. \nYour opponent looks surprised, then seems to be waiting for something.\n\n"Oh, check." you say.<<endif>>\n\n[["Interesting," your opponent says|thoughtstrategicattritiondeath]]
You decide to stop worrying about a possible opening you might be imagining. \n\nYou need to make something happen.\n\nYou move a rook you know will be taken. You think the sacrifice will give you an opening.\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>Your opponent takes your rook and makes a joke about a "rookery." You think the reference is wrong and make a mental note to check wikipedia when you get home.\n\nYou double check you opening. Your opponent used a different piece than you were expecting, but to your delight the opening is still there.\n\n"Ha HA!" you shout in what you hope is a cartoonish voice. "Check!"\n<<else>>\nJust as you hoped, Your opponent takes the rook immediately.\n\nThe opening is still there and you move your piece.\n\nYou try not to betray you excitement as you mumble "Check."<<endif>>\n\n[["Huh," your opponent says,|thoughtstrategicattritionnewtackdeath]]
You put your fingers to your temples while you try to figure out what's going ont. Instead of triggering the grand strategist within, it causes you to think about the 3D chess board you bought at a garage sale and never played. You never even read the rules.\n\nYou start imagining what kind of freedom a third dimension would bring to a chess piece. What if a single piece was able to drop in and out of the main board at will. Would that piece be considered a god? Would that piece get delusions of godhood?\n\nYou're convinced there's value in lateral thinking, so you try to apply your musings to your current strategy. \n\nCan you free your tactical mind from the trap of linearity implied by the 2 color grid? \n\nYou move a bishop into what you think is a threatening position, convinced that another piece could swoop in and take it out of any unexpected danger.\n\n[[Your bishop is taken the second you move your hand away from the board.|thoughtfulstrategicattrition]]
You turn your head left and right to change your viewpoint while you try to evaluate the gestalt of the current board. Instead of triggering the grand strategist within, it causes you to start thinking of checkered cabs and Rubik's Cubes and the tiled pattern on the floor of the bathroom the last time you got sick. \n\nYou get lost in thought for a second remembering that you used to imagine what it would be like if your movement over the tiles were constrained like it was for a chess piece. You remember realizing how a bishop's movement seems so free, but there's an entire half of the board that the bishop can't reach no matter what. \n\nNow you wonder if that was why they were called "bishops" in the first place. While you consider that, you spot an opening for your bishop. It worked! You just needed to give your subconscious time to work everything out.\n\nYou move a bishop into what you think is a threatening position that will force your opponent to modify their fixed strategy.\n\n[[Your bishop is taken instantly.|strategicattrition]]
Your opponent spends too long looking at the board. You think you've probably done something great. Your opponent has never seemed so taken aback.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>Then you get checkmated. "You were so confident I was sure I was missing something," says your opponent.\n\nYou laugh loudly at your own expense. You're about to start explaining what you'd been thinking about, but then decide that imagining little chess piece gods in 5D space sounds kind of weird, especially considering your substandard results. \n\n"That was fun, we should play again some time" you say.\n\n"Do you want a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<else>>Your opponent picks up a piece, then thinks better of it and puts it back.\n\nInstead, your opponent moves the king out of check.\n\nYou pounce. "Checkmate" you say.\n"Good game" says your opponent quietly.\n"Yeah."\n"Unusual strategy."\n"Thanks." You detect something unusual in your opponent's voice. You look at the board again and realize that your opponent has let you win. In fact you could have been beaten at least two moves ago.\nYou listlessly propose a [[rematch.|rematch]]<<endif>>\n
Advanced Chess Simulator
Your opponent smiles and moves a piece that takes the bishop you thought had won the game and puts you in checkmate.\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>"It certainly was" says your opponent. It takes you a moment to realize what has happened. \n\nYou loudly accuse your opponent of cheating, going all in to make it seem like a joke once you realize that you lost fair and square.\n\nYour opponent laughs. "Well do you want a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<else>>It takes you a moment to realize what has happened. \n\nYour opponent cannot resist a dig about how you were right to be worried.\n\nYou smile sheepishly. You deserved that.\n\n"Want a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<endif>>\n
<<if $tone eq "humour">>"Nooooo!" you cry in mock anguish to mask your very real frustration.\nYou're annoyed at yourself for being so careless and convincing yourself it was a valid strategy.\n\nYour opponent jokes about the dissolution of your master plan. You want to convey that you were trying to up the pace and make the game faster, but to your horror you find the words "It was more of a master race than a master plan" leaving your lips. Your opponent sees you quail and takes things in good humor, but you remain mortified.\n\n<<else>>You are disgusted at yourself for being so careless. Clearly you were reacting to the uncalled-for seriousness that all started when your opponent started naming moves.\nWhy did you let yourself get so thrown? Why did you think randomness would be unexpected rather than stupid?\nYour opponent is now visibly relaxed. That's because you're so clearly an idiot.\nYou pretend to grin to yourself to try and keep your opponent guessing.\n<<endif>>\n\nYou look at the board for a while but the pieces start to blur together.\n\n[[Focus hard, find your opportunity|nonsenseattritionopp]]\n[[Take safe moves, let things play out|nonsenseattritionnewtack]]
You carefully take the safest moves of which you can conceive.\n\nThis makes the game very, very boring.\n\nYou trade pawns once in a while, but nothing at all is happening.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>\nYou try to taunt your opponent into making a bold move.\n\nIn the spirit of camaraderie, your opponent asks which piece to move to make things less boring.\n\nYou say "move the queen."\n\nMuch to your surprise, your opponent moves the queen. It is now vulnerable.\n\n"AH! Now we're getting somewhere!" you say as you deftly take the queen with your only remaining pawn.\n\n[["NOW what will you do?" you ask.|nonsenseattritionnewtackdeath]]\n<<else>>Eventually you see an opening. Success. You smugly call your move. Your opponent points out that you've named to wrong space, but you don't even care. [[You see a clear route to victory.|nonsenseattritionnewtackdeath]]<<endif>>
Your opponent smiles.\n\n"I only play casually."\n\n"Me too," you say,\n\n"I hardly ever play." (Easy) - [[LOCKED|Easy]]\n[["I play every once in a while." (Medium)|Medium]]\n"I don't play often but I've read a a bit." (Hard) - [[LOCKED|Hard]]
After about a minute of puzzled consideration, your opponent deftly moves a piece.\n\n"Checkmate."\n\nCareless.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>"We, the hunted, will now hunt!" says your opponent.\nYou fake a laugh. \n"You know, from 'Captain Blood'! Wait, have you seen that one?"\nYou interrupt to stop your opponent from talking about Errol Flynn\n"That was fun, we should play again some time."\n\n"That was a pretty fast game. I can't believe that you had me two moves from mate and didn't see it. Do you want a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<else>>"Good game" says your opponent.\n"Yeah."\n"You had me worried at the end. If you'd have played that move at the end I don't think I could have recovered. Were you just being nice?"\nBefore you can figure what move could possibly have helped matters, your opponent asks for a [[rematch.|rematch]]\n
You decide to stop worrying about a possible opening you might be imagining. \n\nYou need to make something happen.\n\nYou move a rook to try to give your other pieces room to manuver.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour>>\n\n"Stop kidding around"\n\nYou look down. You can't move the rook like that, it puts you into check.\n\n"Just seeing if you were paying attention" you say, and then you laugh too loud before you realize you didn't actually make a joke.\n\nYou hastily put your rook back and then move a knight. To your delight, it puts your opponent in check.\n\n"Ha HA!" you shout in what you hope is a cartoonish voice. "Check!"\n<<else>>\nYour opponent looks surprised, then seems to be waiting for something.\n\nYou look down. you made an illegal move that puts you into check.\n\n"Oh wait moved the wrong piece" you mumble. You hastily put your rook back and then move the knight that was next to it. You drum your fingers impatiently the second you set the piece down. <<endif>>\n\n[["Interesting," your opponent says|strategicattritionnewtackdeath]]
You chuck out a pawn quickly. \n\nDo you [[announce]] your move or [[not?]]
You needn't have worried.\n\nYou're checkmated in two moves.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>You try to say something about how your plan was thrown into disarray when you lost that rook.\n\nYour opponent laughs way too hard. You're not sure if it's because you said something unintentionally funny or if your opponent thinks that the idea that you were working from a plan is hilarious.\n\n[["Want to play again?"|rematch]]<<else>>\n"Fun game" says your opponent.\n"Yeah."\n"What were you doing?"\n"I'm not entirely sure"\n"Want a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<endif>>
You remember that although you'd never admit it out loud, somewhere deep inside you actually kind of hate chess. But you also feel like maybe you would LOVE it if you studied it a little more. Maybe it would become the grand drama you always imagine other people see unfolding on the chess board. You like the IDEA of a heated battle of wit and strategy, but it never pans out for you.\n\nYou really don't want a rematch.\n\nYou have a drink instead.
"Pawn to C5" you announce confidently.\n\n"That's C6"\n\n[[Laugh it off|laugh]]\n[[Acknowlegde your error quietly and seriously|acknowledge]]
After about a minute of puzzled consideration, your opponent deftly moves a piece.\n\n"Checkmate."\n\nYou hadn't "missed" that channel for your queen. It led directly to disaster. You'd noticed it and rejected it several times before.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>"We, the hunted, will now hunt!" says your opponent.\nYou fake a laugh. \n"You know, from 'Captain Blood!' Wait, have you seen that one?"\nYou interrupt to stop your opponent from talking about Errol Flynn\n"That was fun, we should play again some time."\n\n"That was a pretty fast game. I really thought you were up to something at the end. Do you want a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<else>>"Good game" says your opponent.\n"Yeah."\n"You had me worried at the end."\n"One of your moves threw me off a few moves before that. I got careless."\n"Mmm. Want a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<endif>>\n
Your opponent calls the move out loud and moves the piece.\n\nYou're slightly taken aback.\n\n"Knight to King's Bishop 3"??? What does that even mean? Is that right? Where are the numbers? It's a grid, right?\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>You laugh a little weakly. "Oh it's like that is it?" you say loudly. You wanted to convey that you thought it was weird to name the move, but you're pretty sure your opponent thinks you're talking about their strategy. A good-humoured laugh from the other end of the board in return.<<else>>Your eye twitches just a little. Did you already make a mistake? It was the first move. Your opponent's eyes betray nothing; hands are crossed in front of their face.\n\nYou bite your lip and nod sagely. Serious gaming is happening now.<<endif>>\n\nYou look at your pieces on the board.\n\n[[Confidently make your next move without thinking.|confidentmove]]\n[[Make your next move after careful consideration.|thoughfulmove]]
Your opponent takes a long time. \n\nYou find yourself daydreaming. You wonder if people who buy pewter chess sets actually use them to play chess. Do they imagine that the pieces are the characters they've been carved into? Is there a guy out there reliving the Civil War from the side of the confederacy, hoping for a different outcome and shaking his fist at Ulysses S. Grant, handpainted in confederate gray? \n\nYou don't notice when your opponent makes a move. It wasn't announced this time.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>When you try to move things along by demanding satisfaction in a poorly imitated Yosemite Sam voice, your opponent points out that it has been your turn for some time.\n<<endif>> \nWhen you regain your composure, you quickly play through several turns in succession. You get distracted thinking about whether you understand the difference between strategy and tactics. Nevertheless, you have a plan and you're fairly successful in positioning your pieces where you want them.\n\nAfter the next move, however, you detect a twinkle in your opponent's eye.\n\nYou sense that you have fallen into a trap.\n\n[[Play some unexpected moves to disrupt your opponent's strategy|thoughtfulnonsense]]\n[[Take a minute to try to anticipate the trap being laid|thoughfultrapevade]]\n
After long and careful deliberation you move out one of your pawns. You know this is a good, safe move. There's no way this was a mistake.\n\n[[Arch your eyebrow playfully.|intpawneyebrow]]\n[[Nod seriously; once you start playing you intend to play right. All deadpan like.|inpawnnod]]
"And mate." says your opponent after a moment, using a pawn to knock over your king and removing one of your pieces in one deft motion.\n\nYou didn't think far enough ahead. You suspect that was not your only mistake.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>You think your opponent is taunting you by quoting Shakespeare, but you're not paying careful attention to what's being said.\n\nAfter a moment you chuckle loudly to break the silence you hadn't noticed, hoping that you aren't being inappropriate.\n\n"That was fun, we should play again some time" you say.\n\n"That was a pretty weird game" says your opponent, "I was never sure what you were doing exactly. Do you want a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<else>>"Good game" says your opponent.\n"Yeah."\n"Unusual strategy."\n"Thanks. Didn't quite work, though."\n"Want a [[rematch?"|rematch]]<<endif>>\n
Your opponent looks at the board for a second and moves a piece.\n\n"Pawn to E4"\n\nOh no, your opponent is using chess jargon. You look at the board. It's a grid, letters and numbers right? That's easy. You try to calculate which side it must start from if the space with the pawn he just moved is E4.\n\nAfter staring at the board for a moment, you panic when you realize that you haven't been thinking about your first move at all. \n\n[[Think hard about your move|opfirthink]]\n[[Move quickly without thinking|opfirnothink]]
You gather yourself and look even more carefully at your pieces.\n\nWait! Maybe that's your mistake!\nYou're looking at the pieces and how they're arranged, but you want to see a possibility space.\nIt's like art. Look at the negative space!\n\nYou suddenly notice a corridor for your queen. You hadn't even considered it before. You must not have. This is the opening your opponent was worried about.\n\nExcellent.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>\nYou instinctively shout "Boo-ya!" as you move your queen into position.\nYour opponent laughs.\n"I haven't heard someone say 'Boo-ya' out loud in years."\n"Yeah, I'm pretty old-school" you respond, trying to figure out why you even said that when you don't think you've ever even uttered the expression before in your life. \n\n"Didn't you also mean to say 'check?'"\n\nYou look down. With that move one of your rooks is threatening your opponent's king\n<<else>>You move your queen and nod. \nYour opponent looks surprised, then seems to be waiting for something.\n\nYou look down. With that move one of your rooks is now threatening your opponent's king.\nYou hastily say "Check."<<endif>>\n\n[["Interesting," your opponent says|strategicattritiondeath]]
<<if $tone eq "humour">>"Nooooo!" you cry in mock anguish to mask your very real frustration.\nYour opponent laughs, then says "Seriously, though, that was a good move. You really forced my hand."\nYou look back at the board. You can't remember where the piece that took your bishop came from. You wish you had some idea how you'd just forced your opponent's hand.<<else>>You grimace slightly. Your opponent relaxes visibly.\nThat's actual relief on your opponent's face!\nYou are missing something. You stare at the board. \nYou reason it out.\nYour opponent thinks you were trying something else and still feels threatened. \nYour displeasure told them that you didn't see the opportunity you just opened up, and so they relaxed.\n<<endif>>\n\nYou look at the board for a while but the pieces start to blur together.\n\n[[Focus hard, find your opportunity|strategicattritionopp]]\n[[Pursue a completely new tack to shake things up|strategicattritionnewtack]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $tone = "serious">>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou put on your game face when you make your move.\n\nIn response your opponent wears a blank expression.\n\nYou're both lost in thought. This is what chess is all about. Thinking. Planning. Strategizing. You struggle to remain impassive while you try to remember what you should be thinking about while your opponent considers the next move.\n\n[[Wait patiently.|waitmove]]
You read a book once. About chess.\n\nOr a part of a book anyway.\n\nMaybe the first chapter?\n\nThere were a bunch of "openings" in the book.\nNow you're trying to remember exactly what consistitues an opening. It can't just be the first move.\n\nYou remember something about establishing a defense. You also think there was something about forcing a reaction from your first move. How is that even posisble?\n\nYou realize you are drawing a complete blank, but you're pretty sure there were some openings starting with a specific move of a specific pawn.\n\nNot that it'll help you since you don't remember the underlying strategy. In fact you're not even sure you read that far.\n\n[[You decide to move a pawn.|pawnintentional]]
You quickly fling out another pawn. You want to set the pace. This is a casual game, no time for deep tactics, just a rough strategy. Especially not against someone who announces what they're doing with CHESS JARGON. I mean you've read some things about chess and you're pretty sure you could announce your moves too maybe, but that's just uncalled for.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>You think it would be funny to say something mock-heroic, like something that would come out of an old Errol Flynn movie or something, but you stumble over the syntax in the middle of the sentence. \n\n"What? I didn't quite hear that"\n"Oh it was a movie quote but I forget the exact thing. Forget it."\n"Ha ha, what movie?"\n"I forget the exact one, like with Errol Flynn swinging in, you know."\n"The Sea Hawk?"\n\nYou've never actually seen an Errol Flynn movie.\n\n"Yeah, I think so"\n"Amazing movie, remind me to talk to you about it later. A real product of its time, but there's more to it..."\n<<else>>Your opponent almost smiles, but then regains composure. \n"Hmm" says your opponent impassively. \nYou have almost assuredly made some kind of careless mistake. How is that even possible? This is just your second move.\nYou "hmm" back and it comes out as a kind of weak grunt.<<endif>>\n\nYou try to gesture with your head to let your opponent know that now it's a nice quick game and hey should take their next move, but instead they think you were directing their attention at something. You pretend you were stretching your neck.\n\n[[Wait for the next move|fastmove]]\n
LOCKED\n\nUnlock Hard Mode by forcing Charles MacMullen to actually write hard mode.\n\n[[Back|begin]]
<<if $tone eq "humour">>"A CUNNING PLAN" you say to mask your frustration.\n\nYour opponent says "I don't actually have a plan. I'm just reacting to what's on the board." \nAnd smirks. \n\nYou joke about how you won't be lulled into a false sense of security, but you know your opponent is being honest. You are disgusted by your recklessness.\n<<else>>Your plan is in a shambles.\n\nYour opponent is now visibly relaxed. That's because you're so clearly an idiot.\n\nYou sit back in your chair to try and look unconcerned, but you bump the table and are forced to spend a few minutes righting the pieces that fell over.\n<<endif>>\n\nYou look at the board for a while but everything starts to blur together.\n\n[[Try to stck to the plan|thoughtfulnonsenseattritionopp]]\n[[Do something reckless|thoughfulnonsenseattritionnewtack]]
You unexpectedly move a rook, leaving the queen unprotected. It's a bold move, but you think you know what to do if your opponent takes the queen.\n\nYour opponent takes the rook.<<if $tone eq "humour">>Seeing your surprise, your opponent laughs loudly. \n"Looked like a trap to me."\n\nYou say "Visibility is a trap!" \nYou meant to make a clever Foucault reference but you said it in a gruff cartoonish voice, so you know when your opponent's eyes roll that they think you're making a tired Star Wars joke.\nYou decide not to explain.<<else>> You sit back a little and try to rub your chin thoughtfully. Your sleeve gets caught on your ear. \n<<endif>>\nYou shake it off and move another pawn to keep things going. There's a bit more back & forth. Your plan wasn't dependent on that rook as long as your bishops are safe. You're confident that your unexpected move disrupted the trap you'd fallen into.\n\n[[Your opponent takes your queen.|thoughtfulnonsenseattrition]]
Your opponent does not announce this move. Or the next. You're relieved. \n\nHowever, It seems like there's a pattern being followed, the moves being played are decided the instant you casually toss out your pieces. Oh god is this a planned chess opening? It must be. Is it still an "opening" after the first few moves?\n\nYou panic for a second, but then convince yourself that all is not lost. If your opponent is playing from the book, maybe your adaptive human mind can still win out.\n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>You fruitlessly joke about your master plan in a sinister voice. To your chagrin, your supervillain accent sounds a little like your opponent's normal speaking voice. Your opponent smiles politely.<<else>>You take a deep breath which whistles through your nose.<<endif>> \n\n[[Play some random, nonsensical moves to disrupt your opponent's strategy|nonsense]]\n[[Take a minute to try to anticipate the trap being laid|trapevade]]\n
The first move is yours! You must strike out boldly.\n\nYou don't want to try to remember an opening; they've never worked for you anyway.\n\nYou move swiftly and randomly to make it look like you have some kind of a plan. You think maybe moving a knight right off the bat like that makes it look like you're planning something unusual. \n\n[[Arch your eyebrow playfully.|intpawneyebrow]]\n[[Nod seriously; once you start playing you intend to play right. All deadpan like.|inpawnnod]]
Your opponent deliberates carefully and moves a piece.\n\nYou make your move as quickly as possible.\n\nYour opponent gets
<<silently>>\n<<set $tone = "humour">>\n<<endsilently>>\nYour opponent chuckles at your ludicrous expression. You smile back.\n\nGood humor all around. This is a friendly game. You should play friendly games more often.\n\n[[Wait for your opponent's move.|waitmove]]
Charles MacMullen\n@molluskgonebad\nversion Jan 30 2013.b
You want to prove to yourself that you can think this through, even if you don't think in CHESS JARGON. I mean you think of yourself as pretty thoughtful and you've read some things about chess, too. You're pretty sure you could announce your moves too maybe, but that's just uncalled for.\n\nYou decide to make a point of thinking through your next move.\n\nAfter a little while you realize that you're spending all your time thinking about how you need to prove that you can play chess rather than the next move you're going to make. \n\n<<if $tone eq "humour">>You stall for time by joking about your opponent's starting move. You make up a name for the maneuver and joke about defending against its wily charms.\n\nYour opponent points out that the name you thought you made up is a villain from She-Ra.\n\nYou both laugh and you think you stop yourself from blushing.\n\nYou move out a pawn and say "Rook to Bishop's Bishop" to try to ensure that you don't have to continue announcing your moves.\n<<else>>You move out a pawn.\n\nYou think you opponent almost smiles, but then regains composure. \n\nYou have almost assuredly made some kind of careless mistake. How is that even possible? This is just your second move.<<endif>>\n\nYou fold your hands in front of you and try to look strategical.\n\n[[Wait for the next move|slowmove]]\n