You have $<<$cash>> in your pocket. You're gonna pop some tags.\n\nYou search for a while and find three pairs of trousers that suit you.\n\nYou like the look of the authentically worn jeans, <<if $cash gte 3>>and they're only $3! (+1 authentic, +1 worn) [[Buy them?|jeans]]<<else>>but they're too expensive! <<set $trouseroptions = $trouseroptions - 1>><<endif>>\n\nYou like the courderouy trousers <<if $cash gte 6>>and they're a steal at only $6 (+4 stiff, -3 dex) [[Buy them?|courderouy]]<<else>>but it's too expensive! <<set $trouseroptions = $trouseroptions - 1>><<endif>>\n\nThe zebra stripe onesie would look great on you, and it's got built in socks! <<if $cash gte 8>>It'll cost you just $8. (+3 warm, +6 weird, +2 cute, also takes SHIRT slot) [[Buy it?|onesie]]<<else>>But it's too expensive! <<set $trouseroptions = $trouseroptions - 1>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $trouseroptions eq 0>>Uh oh! Looks like you can't afford any of them. Guess you'll just have to [[go without|What's Left][$trousers = 1]]<<else>>[[Or look somewhere else|What's Left]]<<endif>>
You have $<<$cash>> in your pocket. You're looking for a come up.\n\nYou browse the shirts for a while, and find three that fit and you like. Which would you like to buy?\n\nYou like the look of the plaid button-up shirt, <<if $cash gte 2>>and it's only $2! (+1 cool, +1 classy) [[Buy it?|plaid button up]]<<else>>but it's too expensive! <<set $shirtoptions = $shirtoptions - 1>><<endif>>\n\nYou're a fan of the fur coat, <<if $cash gte 5>>and it's a steal at only $5 (+3 warm, +8 fuzzy, -2 dex, -1 fire resist) [[Buy it?|fur coat]]<<else>>but it's too expensive! <<set $shirtoptions = $shirtoptions - 1>><<endif>>\n\nThe zebra stripe onesie would look great on you, and it's got built in socks! <<if $cash gte 8>>It'll cost you just $8. (+2 warm, +9 weird, +1 cute, also takes TROUSERS slot) [[Buy it?|onesie]]<<else>>But it's too expensive! <<set $shirtoptions = $shirtoptions - 1>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $shirtoptions eq 0>>Uh oh! Looks like you can't afford any of them. Guess you'll just have to [[go without|What's Left][$shirt = 1]]<<else>>[[Or look somewhere else|What's Left]]<<endif>>
The End.\n\nThe Mackleman's Thrift Shop Adventure was written by Dogmantra in four hours.
You're looking at the Plaid Button Up Shirt. (+1 cool, +1 classy)\n\nIt will cost you $2.\n[[Buy it!|What's Left][$cash = $cash - 2][$shirt = 1]]\n[[Look elsewhere|What's Left]]
You're looking at the Fur Coat. (+3 warm, +8 fuzzy, -2 dex, -1 fire resist)\n\nIt will cost you $5.\n\n[[Buy it!|What's Left][$cash = $cash - 5][$shirt = 1]]\n[[Look elsewhere|What's Left]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $cash = 18>>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou dump most of your coins onto the little tray. A pointless receipt prints for you, which you take and immediately stuff into the trash. You spend the rest of the journey a little annoyed at its price, but comfortable enough with your comfy yet oddly patterned seat and your stolen iPod.\n\nAfter a few minutes of travel, you reach...\n[[The Thrift Shop]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $brokenmirror = 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou throw a pillow at Ryan. He ducks and your pillow misses. It knocks a mirror off the wall, which falls to the ground and cracks. Lucky it didn't shatter.\n\n"Fucking hell, Ben, I just thought you should be up before all the stores close." He says.\n\n<<display 'Party Plans'>>
<<silently>>\n<<set $cash = 20>>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou dress in your second best shirt and dive into your wallet. You've got $17 in bills and a bunch of change. Counting out the coins, you see it's more or less $3.\n\nWhen you're finally done messing about with various clothes and money, you check your clock again. It claims it's 9.37am. Realising your mistake, you then boot up your PC to check the reliable time. By the time you've checked the time, it's already 4pm. You don't have that long before stores close, and Ryan was right, having the same shirt as everyone else in the club is a hella don't.\n\nYou're going to have to go... to the Thrift Shop.\n\n[[Take the bus|The Bus Stop]]\n[[Walk|On the Streets]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $brokenmirror = 0>>\n<<set $refusedtopaybus = 0>>\n<<set $shoes = 0>>\n<<set $trousers = 0>>\n<<set $shirt = 0>>\n<<set $accessory = 0>>\n<<set $transencounter = 0>>\n<<set $shirtoptions = 3>>\n<<set $trouseroptions = 3>>\n<<set $shoeoptions = 2>>\n<<set $sneakerhead = 0>>\n<<set $almostrevelation = 0>>\n<<endsilently>>\n"Ben!"\n"BEN!"\n...\nYou roll over in bed and open your eyes. It's still morning, right? You check the clock beside your bed. It claims it's 2.27pm, but that can't be right. Besides, it's not kept good time since you bought it used. You briefly wonder why you ever bought a used clock in the first place. You start to come up with a joke about the clock being second hand when your roommate barges in.\n\n"BEN!" he says, "Christ you're still in bed? It's half three in the afternoon." At least you were right, the clock was wrong.\n\n[[Throw a pillow at him|Pillow Fight!]]\n[[Get out of bed|Out of Bed]]
"Do you know who I am?" you yell at the driver.\n"Am I... supposed to?"\n"I'm the Mackleman!" You stab your thumbs towards yourself.\n"The Mackleman?"\n"The Mackleman!"\n"The Mackleman?"\n"I'm the Mackleman!"\n"This is getting nowhere." He says. "I clearly don't know who you are or why I should care, are you going to pay, or are you going to leave my bus?"\n\nYou've come this far, you can't back out now. Gathering your breath, you yell as loudly as you can "I'm the fucking Mackl-"\n\n"Stop." You're cut off by an even louder voice. It came from a figure at the back of the bus. "Ben The Mackleman, you have embarrassed yourself and you have disgraced hiphop."\n"I didn't disgrace it. I saved it!"\n"YOU SAVED NOTHING" The voice roars. You're almost deafened. The figure steps out of the inexplicable shade. It's a man who seems... familiar.\n"I know you!" you say.\n"It is time for your judgment. We shall settle this the ancient way."\n"A rap battle." You nod, and start to feel a beat. "When I was in the th-third grade I thought I could draw because I was... dammit!"\n"A pathetic attempt." Replies the figure. He opens his mouth, but instead of words, a concentrated beam of pure hiphop fires straight at you. It catches you off guard.\n"Who are you?"\n"There are some who call me... Kanye." Another beam of hiphop smashes you right in the face.\n\nYou slump to the ground, defeated, and with your last breath manage to say just two words: "Same love."\n\nYOU LOST THE RAP BATTLE AND ARE DISGRACED. YOU WILL BE UNABLE TO GET TO THE THRIFT SHOP ON TIME. YOU LOSE.\n\n<<display "The End">>
You arrive at the party at almost the exact same time as Ryan.<<if $almostrevelation eq 1>> You give a brief thought to the trans girl and her boyfriend. They're probably better off without you going back to apologise.<<endif>> "Ryan! Check out my outfit." You do a little twirl to show off your thrifted purchases.\n"Not bad buddy."\n"Hey," you say, "think any hot lesbians here want to see my Grammy?"\n\n<<display "The End">>
You swagger your way to the bus stop, not half a block away. You've always liked this bus stop, it has a certain earthly quality to it. You're not alone when you arrive, there are three others waiting, a young black man alone and a mother with her child. The man is listening to music on earphones and he's clearly not in a good mood.\n\nSo you decide to strike up a conversation. "Hey," you say, "whatcha listening to?" He glares at you. "Hey man, no offense, just making conversation." Sheesh, what a cold reception!\n"Just some rap." He says.\n"I'm into rap. Can I get a listen?" Reluctantly, the man hands you an earphone. You put it in your ear, just as a bus revs its engine and pulls away. The woman and her kid have clearly boarded it, as they're nowhere to be seen. It's a number 4, not yours...\n\nBut it was the young man's. He stands up, yells something vulgar and runs off after it. As he runs, his earphones, still half in your ear, yank his MP3 player out of his pocket. You pick it up. 'Doesn't sound like any rap I know,' you think, 'what a ruffian!' You check the MP3 player's screen. 'Angel Haze? Who the fuck is that anyway?' Ah well, free iPod. And the bus is here.\n\n[[Get on the bus|The Conductor]]\n[[I need a walk after all that excitement!|On the Streets]]
You start to walk the two and a half blocks to the thrift shop. <<if $refusedtopaybus eq 0>>It's not a long journey but it sure would have been nice to catch the bus instead. Maybe next time. <<else>> It's a little way to walk, but it sure beats paying two dollars! That's like, two shirts at the thrift shop, with change.<<endif>>\n\nAs you round the final corner and the thrift shop is in sight at the end of the street, you see a youth who seems to be having a heated conversation with another, queerer looking youth. At first you think it might just be youths being youths, but you realise: this could be your chance to experience homophobia almost first hand!\n\n[[Intervene|Saviour of the Gays]]\n[[Leave them be|The Thrift Shop]]
As you turn to leave, you catch a glimpse of the pair looking relieved. The boy spits in your direction, but you overhear them working out what she's going to do now her parents kicked her out. Maybe you don't deserve to say sorry yet.\n\nYou bump into Ryan on the way home. "Hey man," he says, "party's that-a-way."\n"Yeah," you say, "I'm not going."\n\n<<display "The End">>
You're looking at the Broken Keyboard. (+1 great web aesthetic +10 meme potential)\n\nIt will cost you ¢99.\n[[Buy it!|What's Left][$cash = $cash - 0.99][$accessory = 1]]\n[[Look elsewhere|What's Left]]
"The big party tonight... remember?" says Ryan. You shake your head. "At the gay bar?" You vaguely remember, but you're still hazy on the details. Ryan suddenly pats you on the shoulder. "Oh, of course. I forgot, you've loved girls since before pre-K. You should still come anyway." He grins, "I've got the feeling that despite being an unwelcome member of the privileged oppressor class, you'll be wildly popular and lauded for your support."\n\nRyan turns to leave. "Anyway, you should probably get a new outfit, I've seen three other people wearing the same shirt as your favourite in the past week."\n\nHe's almost out the door. "Oh, and I borrowed most of your money to pay for beer. Hope that's okay!" He pulls a cold one from seemingly nowhere, cracks it open and takes a sip. He winks at you. "See you at eight!"\n\n[[Get dressed|Getting Ready]]
The Mackleman's Thrift Shop Adventure
You reluctantly roll out of bed.\n\nRyan reaches for your shoulder and grabs a loose thread on your Batman onesie. He yanks it out. "You still on for the party?\n\n"Huh?" you reply.\n\n<<display 'Party Plans'>>
<<if $shoes eq 0>>[[Check out the SHOES|Shoe Shopping]]<<endif>>\n<<if $shirt eq 0>>[[Check out the SHIRTS|Shirt Shopping]]<<endif>>\n<<if $trousers eq 0>>[[Check out the TROUSERS|Trouser Shopping]]<<endif>>\n<<if $accessory eq 0>>[[Check out the ACCESSORIES|Accessory Shopping]]<<endif>>\n<<if $shirt eq 1 and $shoes eq 1 and $trousers eq 1>>Looks like you're all set!\n[[Leave early for the party|The Party]]\n[[Or spend some quality time browsing|Browsing]]
You find them in a nearby cafe. They're sat outside, holding each other's hands over the table, ignoring their steaming mugs of coffee. You watch from a distance for a while, and then approach.\n\n"Fuck off." Says the boy. "You really hurt her." He looks back to his girlfriend. She smiles weakly at him.\n\n[[I didn't mean to!|Percussive Repercussions]]\n[[Leave|Almost an Ally]]
You're looking at the Authentically Worn Jeans. (+1 authentic, +1 worn)\n\nThey will cost you $3.\n[[Buy it!|What's Left][$cash = $cash - 3][$trousers = 1]]\n[[Look elsewhere|What's Left]]
You're looking at the Courderouy Trousers. (+6 stiff, -3 dex)\n\nThey will cost you $6.\n[[Buy it!|What's Left][$cash = $cash - 6][$trousers = 1]]\n[[Look elsewhere|What's Left]]
You have $<<$cash>> in your pocket. You're out hunting.\n\nYou look through the shoes and find three pairs that vaguely fit you.\n\nYou like the look of the moccasins someone else has been walking in, <<if $cash gte 5>>and they're only $5! (+1 "exotic", +4 white privilege) [[Buy them?|moccasins]]<<else>>but they're too expensive! <<set $shoeoptions = $shoeoptions - 1>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $sneakerhead eq 0>>As you closer inspect the sneakers, you hear someone shout "ah, he got the velcro!" They quickly snatch the shoes out of your hands. You can't buy them. <<set $sneakerhead = 1>><<endif>>\n\nThe kinda uncomfortable boots would look great on you.<<if $cash gte 8>>They'll cost you just $10. (+5 discomfort, +2 style) [[Buy them?|boots]]<<else>>But they's too expensive! <<set $shoeoptions = $shoeoptions - 1>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $shoeoptions eq 0>>Uh oh! Looks like you can't afford any of them. Guess you'll just have to [[go without|What's Left][$shoe = 1]]<<else>>[[Or look somewhere else|What's Left]]<<endif>>
You're searching for some Eminem when the doors open. That can wait for later, you need to get to the thrift shop before it closes. "Good afternoon sir, where are you headed?" asks the driver. You pop an earphone out.\n"Just down the road, to the thrift shop."\n"Alrighty, that's two bucks please."\n\nTWO BUCKS??? That's outrageous!\n\n[[Just pay him|On the Bus]]\n[[DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM??|Do You Know The Mackleman?]]\n[[Leave the bus and walk|On the Streets][$refusedtopaybus = "yes"]]
You're looking at the Kinda Uncomfortable Boots. (+5 discomfort, +2 style)\n\nThey will cost you $10.\n[[Buy it!|What's Left][$cash = $cash - 10][$shoes = 1]]\n[[Look elsewhere|What's Left]]
You decide to kill some time browsing, even though you have everything you need.\n\n<<if $transencounter eq 0>>You amuse yourself by inventing a new game: you tell the workers that you're filming a music video, and see how much merchandise you can throw about before they realise you don't even have a camera. Eventually, it's time to [[leave for the party|The Party]]<<else>>You browse the women's clothing section, trying to gain a unique insight into exactly why women love friendzoning nice guys like you. You catch sight of a pleasant skirt. You're about to try it on like a sash when you remember earlier... the queerer kid. They were wearing a skirt...\n[[Ignore it and go to the party|The Party][$almostrevelation = 1]]\n[[Go and find them|Saviour of the Queers?]]<<endif>>
The boy's eyebrows narrow and he raises a fist. The girl puts her hand on his, and he lowers it. She speaks.\n"You didn't mean to upset me? Oh, that makes it okay then. Everything is fine, just fucking PERFECT." Her face burns hot and tears run down her cheeks.\n"No it's okay, calm down," you say, "it's all just a misunderstanding."\n\nShe screams, grabs her coffee cup, and smashes it over your head. Hot coffee trickles down your face, and shards of porcelain fly everywhere. You taste blood and black out.\n\n<<display "The End">>
You enter the thrift shop. You have $<<$cash>> in your pocket. You're going to need some fucking awesome come ups to outdo Ryan at the party tonight. You're going to need to buy a SHIRT, some TROUSERS and some SHOES. Accessories aren't necessary, but might increase your good looks. <<if $brokenmirror eq 1>> You also remember earlier how you broke your mirror... Looking here, there's one for just $3. You suppose you had better take it. <<set $cash = $cash - 3>><<endif>>\n\n[[Check out the SHOES|Shoe Shopping]]\n[[Check out the SHIRTS|Shirt Shopping]]\n[[Check out the TROUSERS|Trouser Shopping]]\n[[Check out the ACCESSORIES|Accessory Shopping]]
You're looking at the Zebra Stripe Onesie. (warm +2, weird +19, cozy +3, inconsistent +4)\n\nIt will cost you $8.\n\n[[Buy it!|What's Left][$cash = $cash - 8][$shirt = 1]]\n[[Look elsewhere|What's Left]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $transencounter = 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou walk on over to the youths as it's escalating. You roll up one of your sleeves, but the fake fur quickly rolls back down. "Hey!" You yell at them, "Same love!" They cease their argument and look at you incredulously. You figure they didn't hear you the first time. "It's okay to be gay!" The queerer looking one speaks up.\n"Did you... just call me gay?"\n"Hey!" You say, "I'm straight and I think being gay is fine. No problem with it. I love ladies but I'm totally okay with being gay. No problem here, not with me, a straight person. I'm straight but you're gay and that guy," you point at the other youth, "should not be harrassing you for it!"\n"That's my boyfriend." Says the queerer looking youth, tears welling up.\n"And that's okay!" you reply.\n\nThe queerer looking youth bursts into tears. Confusing, yes, but you're sure they must be tears of joy from being approved of by a straight person. You're so straight. You walk off happy to have helped.\n\nIn a straight (totally straight) line you walk straight into...\n[[The Thrift Shop]]
You have $<<$cash>> in your pocket. This is fucking awesome.\n\nThere's actually only one accessory available that fits your web aesthetic.\n\nYou really enjoy the look of the broken keyboard. <<if $cash gte 0.99>>And shit, it's only ¢99! [[Buy it?|broken keyboard]]\nOr [[Look somewhere else|What's Left]]\n<<else>>It's too expensive. Oh well, guess you'll have to [[go without|What's Left][$accessory = 1]]
You're looking at the Moccasins. (+1 "exotic", +4 white privilege)\n\nThey will cost you $5.\n[[Buy it!|What's Left][$cash = $cash - 5][$shoes = 1]]\n[[Look elsewhere|What's Left]]