i was told i was a dyke because i was sick and hated my body\n\ni was raped so that i wouldn't be gay anymore\n\ni started purging after lunch because i thought their semen would make my stomach rot\n\n[[they couldn't, right|they]]\n
two years later my crush had become less passionate\n\ni still liked her, but much more as a friend\n\ni came out to her and she was like, yeah i could tell you were interested in me and a few other girls, it's ok\n\na year later she became a stripper because she needed to earn her own cash because her mom was gone and her grandma kicked her out of the house\n\nme and her were close through high school, and we'd talk feminism together and hate on men together. she told me i actually wasn't that fat. i didn't believe her.\n\n[[so you came out then|teens]]\n
i started growing breasts when i was 10\n\ni was a c cup in three months\n\nmy friend showed me hers and i showed her mine\n\ni really liked her.\n\nshe was skinny as could be. i was fat, with huge tits.\n\n[[sooooo|yeah]]\n
i was dared to kiss the girl whose breasts i saw\n\ni kissed her. \n\nlater that year she asked me if i wanted to have sex with her\n\ni denied it vehemously\n\ni helped her dye her hair black. i remember feeling her skinny chest against my huge one.\n\n[[too young|yeah]]\n
i tried to keep my orientation under wraps while i was at college at converse\n\ni went to the gsa but most of it were cishet girls who were just raising money for marriage equality groups\n\ni started binging and purging there, my roommate taught me how\n\n[[damn cishets|teens]]\n
jordan's so pretty\n\nher hair's really curly and brown and soft\n\nher eyes are really pretty\n\nshe have beautiful lips i just want to kiss and kiss and kiss\n\nshe's so kind and sweet and loving and caring and amazing\n\nshe loves to bake and cook\n\nme and her talk a whole lot\n\n[[back|twenty]]\n
why\n\n[[four years old: austin powers|four]]\n[[nine years old: celebrities|nine]]\n[[ten years old: breasts|ten]]\n[[eleven years old: kissing|eleven]]\n[[twelve years old: i was told i did|twelve]]
TW: rape
i saw austin powers when i was four\n\nthere were women in lingere\n\nit was total stupid male bullshit, but it made me feel more than seeing a guy shirtless and kissing a girl\n\nduring that year was the first time i started calling myself fat\n\n[[okay|yeah]]\n\n
so, uh\n\nyou like girls\n\n[[yeah]]
my friends were talking about actors and singers and boys they found attractive\n\ni said that i liked justin and ricky martin, when i actually liked britney and christina\n\ni tried to look like them but i thought i was too fat\n\n[[alright|yeah]]\n
i got into an arts magnet school called northwest school of the arts after urging from my teachers\n\nit was the first time i saw someone who was out of the closet who was gay\n\ni still hated my body but i hid my body under baggy clothes\n\n[[uh huh|teens]]\n
they didn't, they just buried it even deeper than before\n\n[[oh|teens]]\n
i met a really nice [[girl|teeter]] online\n\nwe started off by cybering together\n\na few months later we had gotten to know each other better and she said that she really liked me\n\n[[so you have a girlfriend now?|girlfriend]]
yeah\n\nshe's a great girl, and we're going to meet in june\n\nwe're gonna play laser tag and kiss and hang out with my family\n\ni'm getting better now\n\ni'm really super queer. like, ultra queer. \n\n[[cool]]\n\n
Turbo Ultra Gay
what about when you were a teenager\n\n[[thirteen years old: northwest school of the arts|thirteen]]\n[[fifteen years old: second crush|fifteen]]\n[[seventeen years old: talking to my crush|seventeen]]\n[[nineteen years old: all girls school gsa|nineteen]]\n[[twenty years old: first girlfriend|twenty]]\n
Joanne Hutto\n\nTW: rape, bulimia talk
my second crush was a girl with big blue eyes and dark brown hair and a southern drawl\n\nshe looked and dressed sorta like ke$ha\n\nshe had such a thin waist and an amazing figure. i was still fat, but i was on a diet\n\n[[ke$ha huh|teens]]\n
yeah\n\n<html><img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/fff793656dcb02eda68f518b97a55e5e/tumblr_ml5vs9j1dP1r0rt6bo2_250.png"></html>\n\nim turbo ultra gay\n\n([[credit for the image above|http://goat-king.tumblr.com]])