Two times Two by George Laing

Two times two, Timkins!!!?

Twelve? timorously touted the tubercular tiny tot, Tommy Timkins, three.

Twelve?!! Total trash, Tommy Timkins, the terrible troublemaker!!

The terrifyingly tall teacher twirled the thick, twin thonged tawse, twice.

Thwack!! Thwack.!!

Take that, timorous, tiny Tommy Timkins. Think, thick twit. Think two times tables, tiny troglodyte trematode tribe!

Thinking, Tall twat, tiny, tubercular Tommy Timkins trembled. Totally, ten times the thick-thonged tawse thwacked, thoroughly thrashing Tommy.

Tommy's tears trembled then tumbled, then Tommy tinkled through terribly thin, totally threadbare tartan Terylene trousers.

Twirling the thick, twin-thonged tawse threateningly, Two times two, Timkins!!!? thundered Thomas T. Twitch, the terrifyingly tall teacher that taught the thirty three trembling toddlers their two times table.

Ten? tiny Tommy Timkins tendered, trembling tearfully.

Ten!!!? The thick twin-thonged tawse thwacked tiny Tommy Timkins thrice times twelve times three, tearing tiny Tommy's terribly thin tartan Terylene trousers to torn, tinkled, tartan tatters.

Thug, thug, thug!!! Trilled tiny Tommy Timkins' tempestuous taller twin, Tabitha Theodora Timkins, three, too.

Thug?

Tantalisingly, the terrifyingly tall teacher's tawse twirled.

Teasing. Threatening.

Tension.

Trepidation.

The tyrannical, terrifyingly tall, theorem teacher, Thomas T. Twitch, that taught the terrified, terrorised tots their two times table theory, tried to take tiny, trembling, tearful Tommy Timkins' taller twin, Tabitha Theodora's thinly throbbing throat to throttle the tinkle tainted, tartan Terylene, torn trousered Tommy Timkins' twin, to the terrestrial twilight time.

The tiny tots, thinking that the thuggish, tyrannical teacher, Thomas T. Twitch, taking Tabitha Timkins' thinly throbbing throat to throttle Tommy Timkins taller twin to the terrestrial twilight time, too, too terrible, took tiny toughened titanium tomahawks to Thomas T. Twitch's tatty testicles, then triumphant, they took their twitching trophies to tack to the tea-time tuck table. This testicular torture took the tiny thanologists tremendous time to tack the terrifyingly tall teachers tatty tackle to the thick teak tabletop. Thus the tetchy tots terminated the tedious teacher, Thomas T. Twitch, the terror of thirty-tree tiny tots, thwacking tenure, theoretically, the terrifyingly tall teacher's terminus.

Theoretically...

Taller Tabitha took tiny tubercular twin, Tommy, tinkling, to the toddlers' toilet to tiddle through torn, threadbare, tartan Terylene trousers.

Then, thereafter, taking their therapeutic tea, tactile Tabitha thanked then toasted the tomahawk-toting tiny tots' tremendous temerity. Then, tittering, the tiny tots toasted the terrifyingly tall, tyrannical teacher, Thomas T. Twitch's testicle tissue till truly Technicolor. Then they tasted the Tesco's Tandoori turkey takeaway, tomato trifle, tuna, taramasalata turnips, treacle toffee truffles, tagliatelle toadstools, tagliolini, tasty tortoise tartlets, tarry taglioni, trout tortellini, tortelloni, tortiglioni, trenette, tuffoloni teacakes - then, together, taking turns, the tiny talkative, testicle terrorists trampled the terrifyingly tall, tyrannical, thuggish teacher, Thomas T. Twitch's twenty-two tacky Taiwanese tulips, till ...

Through the tiny tots thoughtless telekinesis, two tacky, toasted, truly Technicolor testicle tissues twitched, throbbed....then the thighs, then the thorax - then the thalamus throbbed, then the toes, then...thermogenesis.

Timkins!

Thwack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thus the tale that thirty-three tiny tots toasted the terrifyingly tall, two times table teacher, Thomas T. Twitchs testicles, terminates.


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Updated Febuary 2001