Artistic Appreciation by George Laing

Alloway, Ayrshire.

An April afternoon:

As an anonymously arranged amorous assignation approaches apace, Arturo, an adulterous, ageing, aesthetic Armenian animal and aquatic abstract artist, asks an auld acquaintance, Angus Auchterlonie, an almost articulate Aberdonian advertising agency accountant (alias: 'Aberdeen Angus') about actuarial assistant (and active antivivisectionist, anarchist and accomplished amateur actress) Anne Armour Armstrong's anatomy. "Angus, about Anne Armour Armstrong's anatomy...?"

"Aye."

"Ample assets?"

"Aye, Anne's appendages and associated assemblages are architecturally awesome."

"Amorously amiable?"

"Aye. Actually, Anne's aphrodisiacal attributes are, and almost automatically, always anatomically available annually."

"Ah! Ace! And Anne's ankles, Angus?"

"Awfully angular, Arturo...and..."

"And?"

"Alcoholic...ale, absinthe, advocaat, Astispumante, amontillado, and..."

"Alcoholic?" asks Arturo anxiously.

"Awful, absolutely addicted," answers Angus astutely. 'And..."

"Acute acne?"

"Aye...and..."

"And!!?"

"Alopecia.... and Arturo, afraid Anne's actually an asexual, acerbic, abrasive American apparatchik - amorphous, asthmatic, argumentative, arrogant, and, astonishingly, Anne's arms are also acutely acned, awkward and amazingly asymmetrical."

Appalled, aghast and almost apoplectic; abjectly, aesthetic, aquiline Arturo again abruptly aborts another apparently abominable assignation and absconds.

Arms akimbo, Anne awaits agog, anticipating Arturo's ardent attention. Angus ambles along.

"Awaiting Arturo?" asks Angus apologetically.

"Aye, ages and ages." answers abstemious Anne angrily. Alcohol, acne, American accent and alopecia all absent, as always.

"Arturo's an artistically abstract arsehole."

"Agreed - absolutely anal! Angus...?"

"Aye?"

Afterwards...AM

Asleep, Angus and Anne are adjacently abed at Anne's antiquated apartment.

Anne awakes, arches achingly and appeals affectionately...

"Again Angus!"

"Ahem, aye alright, Anne. Anything an acne absent, anarchic, articled actuarial assistant asks."

"Animal!"

"An Aberdeen Angus Aardvark alright?"

"Aye, Angus!"

After according Angus access, and after additional audible, admirable and abandoned aardvarking, Anne applauds and affirmatively acclaims Angus' animalistic artistry aloud.

"Aye, aye, ayeeeeeeeeeeees!!!"


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